What They Never Knew
by BensidyCity
Summary: There is no stronger connection than that between a mother and a daughter.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE. Only own characters you don't recognize**

**So this is the story that me and photography194 are writing together. It is the first story we have both done with another person so we hope it turns out well! The funny thing is that we just started talking after I re-posted my other story Sunday night and now we are actually pretty good friends even though she lives across the country from me and we have never met...anyways, the point is, we had only been talking for 24 hours and we already had the first chapter edited and ready :) And that ends my rant. Please comment!**

**PS-Elliot is divorced in this and the point of view switches frequently**

**Any and all commenters get a shout out!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>Elliot's Point of View<em>

I walked into the precinct at 8:17am; I was late. Luckily for me Cragen was still in his office with the blinds closed. Fin and Munch were sitting at their desks working the case we had been investigating for a few weeks now. I grabbed a cup of Munch's awful coffee and took a seat at my desk.

"Where's Liv?" I asked Fin as booted up my computer.

"I haven't seen her. She must be running late like her partner! Fortunately, for you Cragen's in his office. Man, how come whenever you are late Cragen is always in his office? Every time I show up late he is standing in the damn hallway waiti-"

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late. My alarm didn't go off." Olivia said as she tried to catch her breath.

Olivia looked exhausted; I knew she hadn't been sleeping well since we caught this case. The case was sent to our precinct by the Chief of Detectives, he said that this case will be a big one and if we crack it then both Olivia and I are in line for a promotion. Although, the promotion peeked our interest that is not why we took the case. Olivia and I made a pact a long time ago agreeing that we would never deny anyone a chance to seek justice for what was done to them. Anyway, when case was handed to us there were four victims. The victims were children from different social classes and areas. The children were being abducted and murdered; they would be abducted two at a time, one girl and one boy. A week later the children were found in a parking garage with fresh clothes on, and they were washed clean. A little over a week two more bodies were found in exactly the same condition. That's when some other detectives made the connection and felt it was a special victims case. Now, a week and a half later and we have two more bodies, which gives us a grand total of six bodies in a month. The sad part is that we were having trouble identifying the first four victims kids. 1PP was not allowing us to send their photographs to the media, and nothing came up for missing persons.

All cases that involved children always got to us, but this case in particular had Olivia on the verge of tears. I keep meaning to ask Olivia what's wrong, but I can tell that it is something much more then just being sensitive, or PMS.

"Don't worry about it liv, your partner was late too." Munch said sarcastically.

"Both of you were late?" Cragen asked as he walked out of his office.

"I'm sorry Captain. My alarm didn't go off, and then I had to take a shower and… I'm really sorry." Olivia explained almost on the verge of tears.

"It's okay. I'm not mad at anyone. I realize this is a tough case, but if you are going to be late I would just like a heads up."

"Next time Captain." I said, "Alright, I guess we should get to work."

"Okay, so tell me we have a new lead?" Cragen asked as he walked towards the board.

"Actually we do. I was looking over the files CSU sent us a few nights ago when I noticed something. The clothing all the kids were wearing had the same tag. The tag was faded, but I thought CSU could use some kind of technology and bring out the words. This morning in my mailbox there was an envelope CSU sent over which contained the name of the store where the clothes were bought! The store is called _Dimples & Dandelions_, it's on East 50th St. and 5th avenue." Olivia Explained

"Good work, go check out the store. Fin and Munch you keep trying to identify those kids."

Olivia and I exited the building and headed to our squad car, but I got side tracked by a coffee and doughnut cart.

"Liv, I'm going to get a GOOD cup of coffee. Do you want one?"

"No thanks. I'll wait in the car."

I ordered a coffee and a cheese Danish and then headed to the car. Before I got inside the car I could see Olivia beginning to cry. I slowly entered the car and put my coffee and Danish down.

"Hey, liv? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm okay. Let's just go." She said, wiping the tears from her face.

"No, I've had enough. You haven't been able to sleep, and you're emotional, what's wrong? I know this is a tough case, but these types of cases don't usually affect you this much. Come on, Olivia, you can tell me."

"Just drop it. I'm OK, really…I will be okay. I just need some time. Can we just go?"

"Fine. Yes, let's go." I started the car and drove off. The drive to the store was filled with Olivia's sniffling.

* * *

><p>15 minutes later we had reached the store; we would have gotten to the store faster had it not been for the usual Manhattan traffic.<p>

"You feel okay to go inside?" I asked

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks for asking," Olivia took a few deep breaths and opened the car door allowing the spring air to enter the car. I followed Olivia into the store.

"Hi, I'm detective Elliot Stabler, and this is my partner Olivia Benson. Could we ask you a couple of questions?" I asked flashing my badge at the girl at the counter, whose nametag read Susan.

Susan finished up her sale and then said, "Of course, sir, how may I help you?"

"Hi, did these outfits come from your store?" Olivia asked as she pulled out the photographs of the clothing the children were wearing.

"Yes, they did. I can tell by the beautiful stitching!" Susan said as she walked around the store fixing the clothing on the racks.

"Do you know who bought these items?"

"I would have to check our records." Susan Replied.

"Can you please do that?" Olivia asked nicely.

Making her way back to the counter Susan asked, "Do you have a search warrant?"

"No, Ma'm, but we can get one and come right back here and do this all over again." I answered, "Or you can just help us out and show us now."

I'm sorry Detectives, but –"

"I have a warrant!" exclaimed our ADA, Casey Novak, as she was running into the store.

"Casey? How did you know we would need one?" Olivia asked as she walked to meet Casey at the door.

"Cragen told me you two were coming here, I figured you would a need a warrant to get any information"

"Thanks, Case. Now, we have a warrant and we need you to show us your records for who bought these items" I said throwing the pictures of the clothes onto the counter in front of Susan.

I could tell Susan was not happy with this, but she dragged herself to the computer and began typing. "Okay, there is one person who has bought those items recently." Susan began typing again, "It is a woman; she paid with a credit card, and her name is Cassandra Williams."

"Thank you very much. We will be in touch if we have any other questions." Olivia said as she walked out. Casey followed Olivia, and I followed Casey out of the store.

As I was about to get into our car I realized that Casey did not have a car, "Casey, do you need a ride?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind. I took a cab over."

"Yeah, no problem. Get in!" Olivia said happily.

* * *

><p>"Did you guys identify the kids yet?" Casey asked as she looked at the pictures of the children from the morgue.<p>

"Yeah, we did." Said Fin getting up from his desk and walking towards the board. "Let's start with the first two kids. This girl is Lana Burke; she is 6 years old and was taken on her way home from school. This boy is 3 years old and his name is Ryan Chase; he was taken from the playground while his babysitter was supposed to be watching him. The other two kids are siblings, Claire Whitcomb and Caleb Whitcomb, ages 7 and 5."

"How come we had such a hard time identifying these kids?" Casey asked, taking a seat at Munch's desk.

"They weren't in the system. Their parents were the parents we hate: rich, snobby, uncaring parents, they just thought their children were with friends. That's what the adults said at least." Explained Fin.

"Why would parents have kids and then not care for them? It's just, it's just…it's not fair to the child!" Olivia cried.

"Liv, I will charge the parents with neglect. Unfortunately, they most likely will only get fined." Casey explained.

"It's not even worth it, I just don't think its fair to the children."

"Anyway, so now we have identified the kids and their parents are arranging the funeral. Did you get anything from the store? " Munch asked

"Yeah, we have the name of the woman who bought the clothing. Let me see if I can find an address for her." I said as I walked to my computer and searched for an address. A few minutes later I found the address, "230 East 147nd St., that's her last known address."

"Alright. All four of you go. Casey, you get an arrest warrant and call them when they have it."

Olivia walked up to Cragen and said in a very soft voice, "Wait, I have an appointment remember?"

"Kathy is gone right now so I have to get my Lizzie and Dickie from school." I said as Munch and Fin walked out the door.

"Oh that's right. Go. You both might as well go home after. I'll see you both tomorrow then." Said Cragen as he waved a hand as in saying goodbye. Olivia and I walked out of the precinct together, but separated outside.

"Night Liv. See you tomorrow! Have a nice night."

"Uh yeah. Bye Elliot see you tomorrow." She said distractedly.

* * *

><p><strong>Like? I hope so :) Review and tell us what we can do better!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE. We(me and photography194) own anything you don't recognize.**

**Elliotandoliviababies-Thanks so much!**

**Anonymous-Nope :)  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>Narrator's Point of View<em>

Once Munch and Fin had reached the address Elliot had given them the two detectives came up with a plan on how to attack the situation.

"I think we should just go and knock on the door." Fin suggested.

"Yes, but what if someone is there waiting for us, or there is a bomb waiting to explode once we enter the brownstone?" Munch explained.

"Munch, I doubt a young girl would do that. She was dumb enough to leave the tags on the clothes and pay with her OWN credit card. Just stop with your conspiracies! Now, let's go inside!"

The two detectives climbed the steps of the brownstone and knocked on the door. It took a while, but eventually a young girl answered the door.

"Hello? Who are you?" asked the girl.

"I'm Detective Tutuola, and this is my partner John Munch; were NYPD may we come in?"

"uhh okay?" said the girl opening the door to the detectives.

Once inside Munch asked, "What's your name?"

"Cassandra…Cassandra Williams."

"How old are you Cassandra?"

"25. Is there something you need?"

"Do you recognize these clothes?" asked Fin pulling out the photos of the children's clothing.

"I..uh...no, I don't!" Cried Cassandra, "I don't know anything."

"I'm sorry mam, but would you mind coming back to our station to talk with us?" asked Munch as he moved closer towards Cassandra.

"Am I being arrested?"

"No, we just need to ask you a couple of questions about these clothes." Answered Fin.

Back at the station Munch and Fin had been interviewing Cassandra for a few hours now. Right off the bat the two detectives could tell that Cassandra was not the most sane or confident person, but she was good with lying.

"CASSANDRA! We know you know something! Now please, you have to help us. There could be more children at stake."

"There's not…" muttered Cassandra under her breath.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing." She muttered again.

"If you tell us we can make a deal and you will not have to go to jail for a long time." Casey had given Munch and Fin the okay on giving Cassandra a deal in order to gain information from her. As a whole, Munch, Fin, Cragen and Casey had decided that Cassandra was too weak to pull this entire operation off alone. She had to have help.

"Okay. I will tell you, but I want some kind of protection from the other people. Deal?" Casey tapped the window, which meant that she could get an order of protection when it was all over.

"Now, Cassandra you know you can have a lawyer right?" reminded Fin.

"Yes I know I don't want one. Now what do you want to know?"

"For starters who's helping you?" asked Munch

The interview lasted for an hour more. Cassandra told Munch and Fin that there were three other guys. Their names are: Sean Milton, Nathan Connors, and Mark Slade, the leader of them all. The guys were in charge of everything. Cassandra gave up everything. Well, everything except that fact that they were hurting the kids. The whole time she kept saying that it wasn't her fault and that she did not hurt them.

"Cassandra, do you have proof that they are hurting these kids?"

"No."

"Would you be willing to testify in court if we brought the men in?"

"No."

From behind the glass Casey said, "You can't arrest her or those men without having a complaint witness or solid evidence. Cut her loose. I'll try and give her the order of protection for helping us, but it won't go into affect for several weeks seeing as though this is a low priority case."

"Why would it be low priority? Asked Cragen.

"Because she is willingly going back to her boyfriend, husband… whatever this man is. Cassandra is not being forced to go back to this man! I'm sorry, but she will just have to defend for herself."

"How can we nail these guys?"

"Send Olivia and Elliot in undercover as a couple willing to hurt these children. What do you think? Will they do it?" Casey asked anxiously.

"I think they will do anything to nail these perps, especially Olivia. We are just going to need to prep the two detectives on the case. I can have Dr. Huang come up with a solid alias for the two of them. Let's call them in. I think they've gotten enough sleep for now."

* * *

><p>"Liv, Elliot, get in here" Cragen from his office. Elliot looked across his desk to see Olivia rolling her eyes and pushing herself up off her desk. The two of them walked into their captain's office and stood there, waiting for him to say something. He handed them two files and they looked at him with confused faces.<p>

"You two will be going undercover to try and catch these guys in the act. Cassandra Williams gave up her partners in crime but we don't have enough evidence to arrest them, all we have is a partial confession from Williams" Cragen explained. Olivia and Elliot looked at each other and they knew that this would be the only way to catch the freaks. They agreed. After talking it over, Olivia and Elliot were given information about the couple they will be portraying.

"Liv, you will be Allison Walker; 37, born in Pennsylvania. You were 15 when you ran away from home and became a prostitute until you met Justin Lewis when you were 17. You and Justin got married after two weeks and moved here. Elliot, you are Justin Lewis; 41, born here. You had a normal life until you were 15 and your dad killed your mom. Your life turned upside-down and you began abusing kids when you were 23. The details are in the file. Now you need to have this down, Cassandra isn't the brightest but she can still give out some info to the rest of her gang." Cragen continued on for a few minutes and explained the risks of this operation. Kids will get hurt, but we want them on the highest charge possible and they needed to get all 4 of them on that charge. Cragen knew that Olivia wouldn't let it go too far. They would be sent out as Allison and Justin Lewis in 2 days, just enough time to go over their new personalities and get there before any more kids are hurt.

Olivia followed Elliot back to their desks and Olivia buried her head in her hands and let out a big sigh.

"You gonna be able to do this?"

"Ya...ya, I'm fine. I want nothing more than to help those kids" Olivia explained. Elliot could see the concern in her eyes and he knew she wasn't backing down. Olivia took the rest of the day off to mentally prepare herself for what she was going to be witnessing in the next few days.

* * *

><p><em>Olivia's Point of view<em>

I inserted a gold, chipped, and rusty key into my doorknob and twisted it hard, I heard that same sequence of clicks that I had been hearing for twelve years now. I open the door to see everything how it always has been; Cold coffee still in the pot, my bed half made, the vent in my bathroom still on, house still a mess. I laid down on my couch, stuffed my face into my pillow, and cried. I let it all out, something I can't do often. It's all building up. My past, my present, and my future. Memories from over a decade ago still haunt me to this day, and I know that I will soon be facing what I spend my life trying to avoid; Pain, loneliness, child abuse, drugs, alcohol, the list goes on and on. This whole list can be wrapped into one situation that I am about to get myself into within the next 2 days.

* * *

><p>Olivia walked into the precinct the morning that they would leave. She was in a much better mood than the previous days. Her happiness was crushed when she remember that she would have to witness innocent children getting hurt and knowing that she couldn't do anything about it broke her heart. Hopefully it won't take to long to catch the bastards.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Please comment! A new chapter should be up Sunday night :)<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer-I own nobody :(**

**Sorry about the late update! Fanfiction wouldn't let me or photography194 log on last night so I couldn't upload this chapter. Oh well, we're back now! :)**

**Shout outs-**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-I hope so too**

**-rivermel2-Haha, thanks Mel :) You didn't have to edit this one**

**-spacekitten2700-Thanks**

**-Nerd-Herd-27-Glad i've got you confused :) You will find out why Olivia is upset in a couple chapters**

**-ladybugsmomma-Glad you like it!**

* * *

><p><em>Elliot's Point of View<em>

"Hey, you two ready to go?" Cragen asked, walking into the station.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean how ready can you be to watch a group of people hurt children?" Olivia said sarcastically.

"Come on Liv; we'll get through this together" I said soothingly. I was worried about the undercover operation. I did not think Olivia was emotionally ready for this. She had been emotional and honestly a mess. The usual made-up and put together woman had recently become unattached from the cases.

"I know El. It's just…it's just they're only kids Elliot."

"I know Liv, but that's why we're going. We need to catch these guys."

"Okay Benson, Stabler; we will see you soon! Call as soon as possible." Cragen said, sending us out the door.

We grabbed our suitcases and headed out the double doors and onto the street. I hailed us a cab and we headed to our new apartment. The apartment we were staying at was near the east river, which made sense since there were many abandoned warehouses there. Cassandra had told Fin and Munch that was where the rest of her group was keeping the children. However, she would not give up the exact warehouse. Cassandra did however give Munch her ex-boyfriend, Mark Slade's number.

As I climbed out of the cab I saw our temporary apartment building. It looked as though it should be condemned, several of the windows were boarded up, and the structure of the building itself was falling apart.

"Oh god El. This is awful! Tthis is the worst place we have been put up in by the captain! I hope our apartment looks better then the building." Olivia sighed

"Oh I do too, trust me." We climbed up the stairs and into the building. We carried out suitcases up the stairs to the fourth floor. We were apartment 4B. Olivia put the old rusted key into the door and pushed it open and said, "Huh, It's not as bad as I thought"

She was right. The apartment was small, but quaint and simple. The kitchen overlooked the living room. The living room contained a couch, some chairs and a small kitchen table. Down a hallway that came off of the living room were two bedrooms and a bathroom. One bedroom was bigger than the other. The big bedroom had a queen sized, a dresser, a closet and a desk. The other bedroom had two small, twin beds side by side, a dresser and a closet. I liked the apartment; it was perfect for this operation.

**Olivia's Point Of View**

After getting settled in, Elliot and I decided to just go right to bed. We knew we had a long hard week ahead of us, and we would need our strength.

"You can change first." I said as I finished putting my things away.

Elliot came out of the bathroom shortly after going in and said, "Okay, Liv, go ahead." Just as I was about to close the bathroom door, Elliot spoke up, "You sure you don't want me to sleep in the other room? I don't mind" He asked me

"Elliot, we have been partners for twelve years and the other beds look like they haven't been slept on in years, they are dusty and gross." I went into the bathroom and got ready for bed. I stared at myself in the mirror and thought about my past; what would my life be like if that day never happened? Where would I be? I got caught up in memories and I couldn't push them away

"Hey Liv? You've been in there for a while. Are you alright?" Elliot asked knocking on the bathroom door.

"Oh yeah, sorry." I said coming out of the bathroom and climbing into the bed.

"Liv? Is there something wrong? You've been acting…off."

"Yeah I'm fine Elliot. Let's just go to bed." I said rolling away from him.

The next morning we woke up to Elliot's alarm blaring, "El, Turn it off!" I shouted.

"Sorry" he said as he crossed the room and turned off the alarm. "Liv, we have to get going, Cassandra said Mark and the guys were going to be at the diner this morning."

"El, go away, Let me sleep!"

"I'm sorry, but we have to get going. We only have an hour to get ready and get to the diner."

I knew he was right. We had to get going. I slowly threw off the covers and climbed out of bed. While Elliot was in the kitchen making breakfast I changed into an outfit Allison Lewis would wear. I put on dark washed jeans, a low-cut blue tank top, tall black-heeled boots, a leather jacket and my wedding ring on; I was now Allison Lewis. I walked out into the kitchen to find Elliot sitting at the kitchen table reading over Justin Lewis' file and drinking coffee.

"You look nice." Elliot commented.

"Thanks, I tried to come up with an outfit that I thought a former prostitute would wear. Do I look the part? Do you think the shirt's too much?"

"I think the shirt is as low as it can be without revealing too much" Elliot stated.

"Uh…thanks?"

"What I mean to say is that your outfit is perfect. Now I need to go change so that I can look the part" Elliot took another sip of this coffee and got up from the table and headed to the bedroom. Soon after, Elliot came out dressed in jeans, a green button down shirt, and a pair of Italian looking shoes.

* * *

><p>After putting our dishes away we walked out the door and towards the diner. The diner wasn't too far away from the apartment. When we got there I could see Mark, Sean, Cassandra and Nathan. They were sitting in a booth furthest from the door. Elliot and I took a seat at the counter, which overlooked the group.<p>

"Alright, Allison, this is what we're going to, we will order something and eat it fast. After we're done we will go over and hopefully talk them into letting us into their child abusing circle" Elliot whispered.

"Sounds good." I said

The waitress walked up to us and asked me what I would like to order, "Hi, I would like a coffee and a banana muffin."

"I'll have the same, please. Thank you"

Ten minutes later we had finished our food and coffee and were getting up and speak to the group. "Alright, let's do this" I muttered getting up and walking over to the guy's booth with Elliot.

"Hi, my name's Justin, and this is my wife Allison."

* * *

><p><strong>Comment! Any and all commenters will get a shout out :)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER-I own nobody :(**

**Shout outs-**

**-ladybugsmomma-You'll have to wait and see ;)**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-I will gladly update soon**

**-rivermel2-Oh Melanie, you need to learn you fanfiction terms. What I did is called a "cliffhanger" everybody uses them. It makes people excited for the next chapter :)**

**-benslerbaby-33-glad you like the story!**

**-spacekitten-Thanks**

**-Readingchick17-You will have to wait and see! You will find out in the next couple chapters ;)  
><strong>

**Any and All commenters get a shout out!**

* * *

><p>"Um, hi, I'm Mark, this is my girlfriend, Cassandra, and these are our friends, Nathan and Sean. Do you need something?" Mark asked Olivia and Elliot. Elliot looked at Olivia with a devilish face and Olivia nodded.<p>

"We want in. We have put the pieces together and we know that you are the guys that have been havin fun with those kids." Elliot said to them.

"Let's take this somewhere else." Marks said. Olivia and Elliot followed them outside and they walked a couple blocks down to a warehouse. They went inside and sat down at a long table.

"So what is your history, Allison? Every detail" Mark said, looking at Olivia with a death glare. Olivia could tell that he wasn't messing around, one wrong word and it was over.

"I was born in Pennsylvania into a happy family, but when I was 9, my parents got divorced and my mom became an alcoholic. I left and became a prostitute when I was 15, best decision of my life. I met Justin when I was 24 at a bar and after fooling around for a while, I decided that he was the one for me. We were married in two weeks. Now, Justin is the real child hater, I just like watching. The pain in their little eyes...man I love it. We have been planning for a while and we were excited to take our first kid, but then we saw you on the news and we knew that this is where we belong. " Mark cut her off and looked over at Elliot

"So you guys have never done this before? You're in for some fun" He said, looking at Olivia. She half-smiled and continued her story

"Anyways, we were married when I was 24 and we were living on the streets for about a year, then Justin got into the drug business and just like that, we were rich. But, we gave up that lifestyle a few years back to start planning for this" Olivia explained, shocked by what she was saying. Oh well, they seemed to buy it. Next was Elliot. He told his story spot on and they bought every word. After another hour of questioning, they were in. Now it was time to plan their next attack.

"So here's how this will work. We have had our eyes on two little bitches for a few weeks now. Every day at 3:05, they walk home from school. Me, Cass, Sean ,and Nathan are going to grab them tomorrow. You guys will be here waiting, we don't want you messing this up. Now if you do well after this is all over, you can come with us next time, got it?" Mark said. Olivia and Elliot nodded and Elliot soon spoke up

"So you take in two kids at a time, different ages and sexes?" Elliot asked

"You really do know our work. Glad I don't have to explain everything. You guys go back to your apartment and bring your stuff here. You have one hour."

* * *

><p><em>Elliot's POV:<em>

Me and Olivia made it outside and we started walking back. It was raining, windy, and gray, it was just awful. Olivia was freezing and we were still four blocks away from our hotel. We decided to stop at a coffee shop to warm up. We walked in and saw that there was only one employee there. Olivia and I went and sat down as far away from her as possible. We ordered our coffee and left. Olivia hadn't said a word to me yet, I don't blame her though, it's a lot to take in. We finally made it back to the hotel and Olivia went and sat on the bed and ran her hand through her beautiful brown hair. I saw tears forming in her eyes and I knew that they weren't going to go away. I walked over and sat down next to her, laying my hand on her back. The tears fell faster and I heard small sobs. She looked up at me but soon looked away

"I can't do this, El, Mark already admitted to the past kids, can't we just get him for that?" She asked me. I didn't know what to say, I needed to tell her that i wouldn't work so well if we did that. But I didn't want to upset her any more than she already was.

"We could, but then we would only have the other three as accessories. Nobody else admitted anything. Wouldn't your rather put these creeps away for life?" I asked her. She nodded her head and began crying again. I wrapped one of my arms around her and ran my hand up her sleeve. She scooted over closer to me and laid her head on my shoulder.

"We will get through this. We will make sure that those kids aren't put in too much danger. If Mark or any of the other guys ever goes too far, we can arrest them." I said, trying to calm her down. She stood up and went to pack her stuff up. I put my cell phone on the charger and dialed Cragen's number on my disposable phone while Olivia cleaned up. I looked in the reflection of the glass window and I could see her bent over her suitcase, silently crying. I ended my short phone call to Cragen and walked up behind Olivia. She zipped up her suitcase and went to go clean off her now tear-stained face and re-apply her makeup.

* * *

><p><em>Olivia's POV<em>

I got no sleep that night. We had to try and make ourselves comfortable on the mattress that they raped the children on. I refused to touch it. I laid the single blanket that they gave us on the hard ground and rested on that. Elliot was pacing the whole time. Once he realized how late it was, he decided to try and rest, too. He laid down next to me and accidentally brushed against my hand.

"You're freezing" He said to me. I felt like I was going to turn into an ice cube any second. he grabbed my cold hand with his warm one and scooted a little closer to me. I could feel the warmth that was radiating off his body, I started feeling a little warmer but I still couldn't sleep, neither could Elliot. I sat up and scooted over to the wall so that I could sit against it. He followed me and sat as close to me as possible, trying to keep me warm

"Do you really think this will work?" I whispered to him.

"I do. They don't seem too concerned with us. They didn't even check out cell phones or anything. Quite stupid, if you ask me" Elliot said, trying to lighten the mood. I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. I didn't really know what to say.

"Why do you put up with me?" I asked with a small chuckle. He looked down at me and put his arm around my shoulder

"Because there is nobody else quite like you. You know more about me than anybody else, including myself. You have the softest heart I have ever seen, but you also have the toughest personality. You can get a confession out of a perp any day and at the same time, you can get victims to open up faster than anybody I have ever met. You would take your own life for any victim or loved one in a second. And you're also not afraid to give any guy a good beating. But mainly, because you are my other half. I have known you for over twelve years and you have always had my back." He said to me. I had a feeling that I hadn't had in a long time. I _knew _that somebody really did care about me. I wasn't alone.

They next thing I remember was waking up on Elliot's shoulder. He was already awake but he didn't want to wake me up. I almost smiled at him but then I remembered that today would be the day that everything I believed in would be thrown out the window.

* * *

><p><strong>And there's chapter 4 :) Comment!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER-WE(ME AND PHOTOGRAPHY194) OWN ANYTHING YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE**

**Shout outs-**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-Ya, probably not the ideal situation for Olivia**

**-ajoyfulheart-Thanks! You will find out it this chapter or the next  
><strong>

**-ladybugsmomma-On to phase 2. Glad you like it!**

**-olivia40201-Of course :P**

**-OlenkaParadowski-Thanks! You will find out soon :)**

**-spacekitten-gladly :)**

**-benslerbaby-33-Glad you like it!**

**Any and all commenters will get a shout out! **

**Ok, so congrats to Mariska and the new baby! She is ADORABLE! I meant to post this on the last chapter but I forgot...and the chapter before that...lol. I was in Denver last weekend and We were driving when I saw sign that said "Lowell Blvd" It made me sooo mad! It's hard going a month without Mariska. She wasn't in the last episode of SVU and there won't be a new one until the first week of May. Then there are only 3 left! :( I MIGHT DIE! Anyways, Mariska was also nominated for some online contest for Actress of the month. She is in second place and only behind by 200 votes so go vote for her! Copy and Paste this link- Go on to facebook and check out Mariska Hargitay's page(The profile pic. is her with Amaya). Scroll down and you will see a link. On with the story! Glad you guys like it!  
><strong>

**Ok, so this is the chapter you've all been waiting for. Why is Olivia so upset?**

* * *

><p>Olivia's POV<p>

I rest against the hard cement wall, thinking about all the things I would be forced to see today. I knew it would help the case, and help Elliot and I catch these guys, but I was not in a good space to deal with watching kids be abused. I tried to think of something different, but I couldn't get my mind off of the subject. I don't know how long I lay there, but it was at least a couple of hours. I could feel Elliot stirring not long after a loud commotion coming from upstairs. Not long after the uproar we could hear the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs towards us.

"Come on you too get up! We are going to begin our day. Mark wants to fill you in on how the day will plan out." Explained Sean.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"12:46" Sean answered checking his watch.

"Get dressed. We will be back in 15 minutes." Came a voice from the top of the stairs. The voice sounded as though it was Nathan's, but I couldn't see. The stairs were too dark.

I let Elliot change first; he gathered his clothes and walked into the corner to change. Meanwhile I gathered my clothes and changed as well at the opposite corner of the room from Elliot. I knew that we didn't have much time before Nathan came to get us and would begin the long and dreadful day.

After 15 minutes were up Nathan came down again and led us upstairs. The upstairs was a large open room; it looked quite different from the night before. Last night there were several boxes scattered around the room, and furniture oddly spaced, now everything had a place. The room was nicely furnished and appeared to be a spacious living room and not a depressing warehouse.

"Okay Allison, Justin today is the day we get those wretched kids. At 3:05pm Cassandra will approach the children pretending to be one of their little classmates mother looking for her child. Cassandra will then have the children help her look for her child, which just so happens to be away from the other mom's and nanny's at the school. Then –"

Elliot interrupted and asked, "what if that doesn't work? And are the kids siblings? Why would they be together?"

"Please don't EVER interrupt me again. Are we clear?" Elliot nodded, "good. Now if that doesn't work then Sean and Nathan will causally walk by pretending to sell ice cream and candy. Cassandra will then ask the children if they want a treat, and of course the kids will say yes since they are so stupid. No Justin they are not siblings, but on Tuesdays they have piano and the girls nanny picks them both up. Anyway, after luring the children away Cassandra, Sean and Nathan will bring them to me in the car down the block." Mark cleared is throat and continued. "That's when you two come in. Once we arrive back here you two will help us get the now sedated kids into the basement and strap them down on the mattress. Then once the kids are up the real fun begins!" Mark explained that with such enthusiasm it honestly scared me.

I could see Elliot's hands curling up into fists. He didn't feel right begin a part of this either, "alright, sounds like a flawless plan to me"

"Thank you Justin. What do you think Allison?"

"Allison answer Mark; he asked you a question." Elliot whispered to me.

"Oh I'm sorry I guess I just zoned out. I agree with my husband. Your plan sounds perfect."

"I'm glad you agree Allison, but if you continue to 'zone' out I will be forced to remove you and Justin from this arrangement. I cannot afford to have unfocused people here. Do you understand what I am saying?"

"Yes, perfectly." I couldn't zone out anymore. If I were the reason Elliot and I got kicked out of this then it would be my fault if more children died. I couldn't let that happen, I needed to stay focused

Elliot's POV

I had no idea what was going through Olivia's head, but I needed her to focus, I would have to talk to her later.

"Alright, do you have everything you need Sean?" Mark asked, "The tranquilizers, chloroform, rope and tape?"

"Uhh, yes. Wait, I need the tape." Nathan handed Mark a roll of moving tape. "Great, now we're all set! Okay, so you two stay here. We'll see you in a little bit."

"Why do you need to leave so early? It's only 1:30." Olivia asked.

"We need to make sure that the kids don't leave or anything. I need to make sure that it is a normal day for the two kids." Mark explained.

The four of them exited the warehouse and left Olivia and I alone sitting on one of the many couches.

"Olivia, what's going on with you? Please tell me. Maybe I can help."

"I'm so sorry El I would rather not talk about it. It's not you it's just I need to work through it by myself. We can talk about it later" She looked so sad. Whatever she needed to work through was tearing her apart, and I felt awful that I couldn't help her through it.

"It's okay, I understand. Just try and stay more focused on the case. If we blow this case Cragen will have our asses. Do you want something to eat? I asked walking over the mini-fridge in the corner.

"Sure, what do they have?"

There wasn't much in the fridge. There was a bag of apples, some yogurt, ginger ale, a box of cake, and bags of chips on top of the fridge. "Feel like eating healthy or crappy?"

"Healthy please." I took out two apples and two containers of yogurt. I managed to find a bag of spoons on a table not far from Olivia. "Here, this is all I could find."

We sat across from one another eating in silence. After eating Olivia broke the silence, "Elliot, we should call Cragen and let him know what's happening. I can call."

I handed her the phone and watched her walk over to the other side of the room. I always found it odd that whenever she made a call using a cellphone she needed to be alone so no one could hear her. It was a cute little quirk about her. She talked to Cragen for almost an hour, what could she possibly tell him? It was now 3:15; the kids had been kidnapped. The guys should be back any second. I couldn't' let them come back to Olivia on the phone. "Liv, get off the phone! There going to be back soon!"

"Sorry Cragen. I gotta go. The guys are going to back any second" She hung up the phone and walked over to me and handed me the phone.

"What were you two talking about for so long?"

"Nothing much. I told him about their plan and other stuff."

"Other stuff? Like what?"

"Oh not much. He just had a ques-" Olivia was interrupted by the sound of the warehouse door opening. In walked Sean and Nathan carrying two sleeping kids.

"Put them downstairs. They should be waking up soon." Ordered Mark. Cassandra, Nathan and Sean walked downstairs.

"How'd it go?" I asked. Standing up to take the backpack from Mark.

"Very well. Those kids are stupid they went with Cassandra right away. What have you two been doing this whole time? Nothing dirty I hope."

"Oh no. Nothing like that." Replied Olivia.

Cassandra came running up the stairs, "Mark, they woke up!"

"WHAT? They should have been asleep for at least another hour!" Mark was furious I could tell. "Damn, well are you ready you two? Looks like were starting a little bit earlier then expected!" Mark got up from the chair and headed downstairs; we followed him down along with Cassandra.

The children were so young. The boy couldn't be older then 6, and the girl couldn't be any older then 8. The boy had bleach blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He was wearing jeans, and a T-shirt with a truck on it. The girl had big brown eyes and light brown hair. She had on a pink sundress and white sneakers on. I heard Olivia gasp; I looked at her and I saw a lone tear running down her cheek. She stood there, speechless, I didn't know what was going on.

* * *

><p><strong>I know, you didn't <em>really<em> find out why Olivia was upset but it's coming :) Why do you think she is not acting like herself? Comment!**


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE**

**Shout outs-**

**-Rivermel2-Is this fast enough? Yes, I am a liar.  
><strong>

**-benslerbaby-33-Here ya go!**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-You will find out right now :)**

**-ladybugsmomma-...maybe...lol**

**-spacekitten2700-nope :)**

**-nanite-I will try my hardest :)**

**Any and all commenters get a shout out  
><strong>

**This is A/U by the way...  
><strong>

* * *

><p>OPOV<p>

"Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God. No, it can't be. Oh God, what if it is?**" **I thought to myself. Her brown hair, her chocolate eyes, it had to be her. I turned my back and pretended to study the kids so that nobody would be able to see my tear. Luckily, there was only one and nobody noticed it.

"Oh Allison, we're gonna have some fun with these ones" Elliot said.

"We are going back upstairs. You guys get them tied to the bed, if one of them escapes, you are out of here." Sean said as the four of them left the room, leaving Elliot, the kids, and I. I was anxiously waiting for the door to close when I looked up at Elliot with tears slowly falling from my eyes.

"Olivia, what's wrong" Elliot asked me. I couldn't find the words. I couldn't think straight. I turned away from Elliot and looked at the girl

"How old are you and what's your name?" I asked her, trying to still seem like the bad guy, I couldn't give up our cover. She looked up at me, crying, and finally spat the words out. Oh, those dreaded words

"Lauren...I-I'm 8" She trembled. I almost passed out. My heart dropped and turned away from the kids. Elliot saw me got down to tied the kids to the bed. Then he took me out of the room and into a dark corner. I tried to keep it together but it didn't work. I fell into Elliot's arms and he sat me down. He pulled me into his arms until I calmed down.

"Olivia, what is going on?" He asked. I didn't know how to tell him.

"La-Lauren...she's my...she's my daughter" I cried.

"Oh my God" I heard Elliot whisper. He hugged me again and I finally stopped crying.

"Her birthday was last week..." I said. Elliot pushed my hair behind my ear and sat down next to me

"Liv, what happened?" He asked me. I figured this would be the best time to tell him everything.

"I was attacked in July, 2003, and that got me pregnant. Nobody but Cragen knew because I didn't even start showing until I was 6 1/2 months pregnant. By then it was the beginning of 2004 and I said I wanted to start my year off well by relaxing and taking a vacation. I just wore coats and baggy clothes until I was 7 months and I then I left for a couple weeks and she was born at 7 1/2 months. I gave her up for adoption the day she was born. I should have kept her." I said, not believing my own words. Why Lauren? I know it would be awful for any child but why _my_ daughter?

"Olivia, this is not you're fault. Now if you want, we can go get those pricks right now for kidnapping and endangering a child. Two of them. Do you want me to do that?" Elliot asked me. I thought about it and remember that that would get them in prison for a max of 10 years. I want them away for life. I told Elliot no, that we would have to wait.

NPOV

"Shut up you little bitch!" Nathan yelled as he slapped Lauren across the face. He left the room and then Mark walked in holding a couple whips and other various devices. He walked right up to Austin and whipped him across his bareback. He scram at the top of his lungs and everybody started laughing and Elliot and Olivia tried to laugh along. After a couple more whips to each of the kids, he left, too. Then it was just Sean, Elliot, and Olivia. Sean said that it was Elliot's turn. He remembered that Olivia loved watching so he didn't even ask her to take part. Elliot nodded and tried to get as rough with the kids as possible without it actually hurting them too much. He threw a couple hits at them, hating every second of it. Finally, the torture stopped and everybody was called upstairs for a meeting. They gathered around the same round room that they had met in.

"Ok, now that Allison and Justin know how it works around here, it's time to start the _real _fun. Allison, Justin, you will find out what that is later. But for now, I need to talk to my partners, ok? You two go downstairs and entertain the kids." Mark said to Olivia and Elliot. They nodded their heads and headed downstairs.

"What the hell do they mean by that?" Olivia asked Elliot

"I don't know, but I don't like the sound of it." Elliot replied. They heard footsteps coming down the stairs and they got into "position." Elliot got on top of one of the kids and pretended to be in the middle of hitting him. Olivia stood there and smiled. Mark and Sean walked in and asked Elliot to step aside, that they were going to show him the best part. Elliot smiled and stepped back. Olivia wasn't paying to much attention until she saw Sean undoing his belt buckle. She excused herself to go to the bathroom but walked over to her suitcase and took out her handcuffs that she had hidden in her bag; she knew she wasn't going to let those kids get raped. She quickly sent a text to Cragen telling him to send backup. Sean was on top of Lauren, slowly removing her clothes when she walked back into the room. Elliot knew that Olivia had called for backup when she left the room; she wasn't going to allow this.

"Since you are a beginner, I want you to try this first" Sean said to Elliot. Elliot smiled and began talking, "Gladly, let me go grab something first, you will love it. Allison, come help me find it," He said with a devilish grin. Olivia nodded her head and walked out. Sean and Mark looked at each other in agreement; they thought they had picked the _perfect _couple.

EPOV

I walked over to our suitcases with Olivia and we checked her phone. Cragen said they were on their way and would be there in 5 minutes. Olivia replied telling them to enter quietly. I soon heard footsteps approaching them and I had to think of something quick. I grabbed Olivia and began making out with her honestly it was amazing.

"What the hell are you two doing?" He asked, pulling Olivia off of me.

"So-sorry, I guess we just got carried away" Olivia said with a laugh.

"Well you two have three minutes, otherwise we are doing it ourselves" Mark said.

Olivia and I nodded and the two men left us alone. Soon Mark and Cassandra walked into the room where the kids were and I could hear whips and screams. We walked back into the room to see Mark with his pants down over Lauren, she was screaming and kicking him.

"Can you get those tranquilizers? This child is feisty!" said Mark with a smirk on his face. Cassandra left the room and returned with a needle and handed it to Mark.

"Thank you baby. Would you like to do the honors?" Mark handed the needle back to Cassandra and we all watched her plunge the needle into Lauren's arm. Lauren immediately stopped moving; she looked like a rag doll.

"Now that's better! Oh, I almost forgot. Justin it's your turn. I need to see what you are capable of!"

'Where are they? They should be here by now' I thought. "Are you sure? I mean you are all ready to go. There will be plenty of time for me!"

Mark put his pants back on and stepped off of Lauren, "Nonsense, come here." I couldn't stall anymore. I looked at Olivia apologetically and walked towards Lauren.

"STOP! DON'T MOVE! HANDS UP!" I looked up at the stairs it was Fin with two other armed men "Are you two okay?" he asked Olivia and I.

OPOV

I was so relieved that everyone was here. I ran over to Lauren and pulled her head onto my lap. I watched Elliot handcuff Mark and read him his rights. Little did we know, Sean had a gun. He pulled it out and a loud bang filled the room. I looked down and there was blood spatters all of me. I looked closer and realized that the bullet had barely missed me.

"Lauren..."

* * *

><p><strong>Uh-Oh! WHAT'S GOING ON? Just kidding, I know what's going on because I have the whole story planned out :) But YOU don't! Anyways, please comment :)<strong>

**50% (Or 49%, or 51%, somewhere around there) of this story is written by photography194, check her out!**


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE**

**-ladybugsmomma-Yes, you were right :)**

**-spacekitten-Ya, i tend to make things sad :(**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-YES, OLIVIA'S DAUGHTER! DUN DUN DUN**

**-Nerd-Herd-27-I am very sad to say that I am now a cat-killer. Don't worry, I get what you mean :)**

**-OlenkaParadowski-Thank you so much! I have been writing since February . I have finished two stories and I just published a new one two days ago. They are all on my profile. Check them out if you can! :)  
><strong>

**Any and all commenters will get a shout out!**

**So I published a new story on Tuesday :) It's called "Behind the Brown Eyes" go check it out! :)**

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

"Elliot! Help me!" I cried the bullet had hit Lauren in the side of her stomach.

"GET THE MEDIC!" Munch shouted as he ran from the room.

The blood was everywhere. Elliot took off his shirt and wrapped Laurens stomach while applying pressure. The little boy, Austin was beginning to cry harder now, I knew I needed to talk to him.

"Honey? Are you okay?" The boy looked at me and immediately crawled towards me. "Elliot, can you hold him?" Elliot picked up Austin and tried to calm him down. The medics came down the stairs soon after.

"Okay, what do we have?" asked the first medic.

"Her names Lauren and she's eight years old. She was shot in her right side. I tried to slow down the bleeding with my shirt, but it really hasn't helped much." Explained Elliot.

"Okay, let's get her onto the stretcher and to the hospital!" said the second medic lifting Lauren up with the first medic. "Do you have a car you can follow us in?"

"Yes, they can ride with us." Said Cragen ushering Elliot and I up the stairs following the medics.

"Elliot, I want to ride along with her. I can take Austin too, he should definitely get checked out as well." I whispered.

"Are you sure?"

"Elliot, please?" I knew I wasn't emotionally stable, but she was my daughter. Although she didn't know I was her mother I felt as though I needed to be there for her. As we left the warehouse Elliot handed me Austin, who had stopped crying, and helped us into the ambulance which Lauren was already on.

The ride to the hospital felt as though it took forever. Lauren began to lose consciousness due to the amount of blood loss. One of the medics kept injecting Lauren with fluids while the other came and took Austin to access his condition.

"Mam, how long were they held captive?" The medic whose name I learned was Derek asked.

"Only two days. Why?"

"This little boy has old scars and bruises on his back."

"Are any of them life threatening?" I asked holding Austin's hand

Just as the ambulance pulled into the hospital the Derek replied with, "I don't believe so, but the doctor's will be able to better assess the situation."

"Thank you" I said while stepping down from the ambulance. Lauren was whisked off into surgery right away, whereas Austin was put on a hospital bed and wheeled off to a small room. A nurse told me to follow her into Austin's room.

"Mam, are you his mother? I need his medical history" said the nurse.

"I'm not. I barely know the boy. I am a detective who was undercover when this little boy was kidnapped. I'm sorry."

"Do you know anything about the little girl with the gun shot wound?"

"Yes. She's my da-"

Elliot came running into the ER shouting my name, "Olivia? Olivia!"

"I'm so glad you're here. I don't know what to do. They took Lauren away, and Austin apparently has been abused before, I'm being asked about each of their medical history and I don't know anything! El, this is just too much. I can't do this!" I couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears just kept coming. I felt Elliot's strong arms wrap around me. I instantly felt as though I was safe and everything was going to be okay.

_EPOV_

I didn't know how to comfort her. Her daughter who she hasn't seen in eight years is now in surgery now and Olivia feels that it is all her fault. This was too much for anyone.

"Liv, Liv look at me. Everything is going to be all right!"

"But what if it's not? What if she dies? What if Mark doesn't get put away for the crimes because I called for backup too early? What if-" I had to stop her.

"Don't think about that, you saved Lauren from getting raped. Had you not called backup right then, I would have had to do it. I called Casey she is going to come talk with you about custody of Lauren. Now, I need to go talk to Cragen, but I will be right back with coffee. How does that sound?" I waited for a reply, but all I got was a nod I took that as a yes. I kissed her forehead and walked out of the exam room and out into the lobby towards Cragen.

"How is she? How's the little girl?" asked Cragen.

"She's hanging in there, but this has been a tough case on her. Why didn't you tell me she had a daughter? Shouldn't I have known? For god sakes, I'm her partner, damn it!"

"Elliot, calm down. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but she told me not to and I didn't see it necessary for you to know about the baby."

"Well, I think you should have! That little girl in surgery right now is her daughter!"

"No. It can't be. I mean the chances of that girl being her daughter are slim!"

"Well why else would Olivia be so god damn upset that, that child was in surgery? Olivia had known her daughter for a day and now she is dying!" I couldn't take it anymore. I was fed up with being kept in the dark. I don't understand why Olivia didn't tell me, but I couldn't get mad at her now, but Cragen, he could have told me. If I had known why Olivia got upset around this time of year every year I would have been more sympathetic to Olivia. "Damn it Don. If I had known what she was going through all these years I wouldn't have been so hard on her. I always passed her mood swings off to stress. I would yell at her and try and get her to tell me what was wrong. I basically interrogated her- "

"Elliot Stabler, stop right there! None of this is your fault, and none of this is Olivia's. This was a tragic event, but let's not walk in the past. The only thing we can do is help Olivia through this and move on! Now, I need to get back to the precinct and help Fin and Munch with the paper work for Mark, Sean, Nathan and Cassandra's arrest. I will see you later."

"Hold on," I said catching up with Cragen as he exited the building, "Casey is coming here to talk to Olivia about custody of Lauren first."

"Okay, just send her over to the precinct when she's done."

"Look, I'm sorry I snapped." I said apologetically to Cragen.

"It's okay. Like I said, let's just move on."

After Cragen left I got two cups of coffee and walked back to Austin's room in the ER. Austin was sleeping soundly. I handed Olivia her cup of coffee and had her follow me out into the hallway.

"What did the doctors say about Austin?"

"They say he had two fractured ribs, some bad bruising and some badly healed bones. The doctor said he has been through the ringer. What's going to happen to him El? I mean after he gets better?"

"He is going go back to his family. They will know what to do" Elliot said, reassuringly.

_OPOV_

"Hey Olivia, I'm rso sorry about everything. Now Elliot mentioned that you might want custody over Lauren. Is that something you would be interested in?" Casey said sitting down next to Elliot and I.

"I…uhh…I…Yes. I want custody of Lauren." I had given Lauren up for adoption the day she was born so that she may live a relatively normal life. Now, I had a chance to have that child again, a child who may have a family, one that could be looking for her right now. "Casey, what about the family that adopted her?"

"Liv, her adoptive parents died two years ago in a car crash. Lauren has been living with the grandmother ever since. I had Fin check into her family background after Elliot called me." It was thought she read my mind for she said, "Don't worry though. I didn't tell him why I needed to know. I just had him look it up."

"Thank you Casey. What about her grandmother? Doesn't she want her?"

"Olivia, she's 85 years old. If I brought this case to family court and you were willing to care for Lauren then you have a VERY good chance of winning. It's pretty much up to you."

I didn't know what to do and I just needed somebody that could help me, somebody that would understand. I needed Elliot. I just didn't know how to tell him.

* * *

><p><strong>Please comment! How do you think we are doing? I published a new story called "Behind the Brown Eyes" on Tuesday so check that out if you can :)<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE**

**Shout outs-**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-We have stuff for Austin planned out :) Not that you will know anything about that...  
><strong>

**Only one comment :( Oh well, Elliotandoliviababies will now be my favorite commenter. lol, just kidding. But I do appreciate her comment :)**

**Any and all commenters will get a shout out!**

**EVERYBODY PLEASE GO CHECK OUT PHOTOGRAPHY194'S COMPLETED STORY "LIFE'S TWISTS AND TURNS"**

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

Casey left to do some paperwork, which left Elliot and I alone. We were silent for the first twenty minutes; there was no way to express what was going through my mind. I was shocked from finding my daughter, mad from letting my baby go, hurting from not protecting her, but at the same time, I was happy that I may have the chance to start a family. So I just cried silently. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks; I could hear them fall the ground, the quiet plop that they made when they hit the hard tile, but there was no sound. It was all my imagination. Elliot took me into the hall where nobody was around so that I didn't feel like people were watching me. We sat down in the middle of five chairs and I rested my head back on the light blue wall. I tried to keep my mind off of things, but I just couldn't

"We will get through this, Olivia. I don't know how yet but we will, ok?" Elliot said to me, I nodded my head and then a single tear fell. A real one. That burning little water drop was enough to drown me. I felt like I needed somebody to pull me out of this ocean and send me to one that I love. One that gives me a family. That's all I want. Somebody that loves me for me, children that I can care for, I know I can dream big and I know that I'm also very good at hiding it, something Elliot hates. I knew Elliot saw that single tear because laid his hand on my shoulder and tightened his grip, letting me know that it would be ok. Usually, I would protest, but today was different. Everything was coming at me and I needed to know that somebody actually cared. Lucky for me, that somebody was Elliot. We sat there for another hour, waiting for some good news.

"Olivia Benson?" We heard a nurse call from the waiting room. I looked at Elliot and he stood up, holding his hand out for me to take, I walked right past him. It wasn't very nice but I could care less about being nice right now.

"I'm Olivia Benson and this is my partner, Elliot Stabler. Is Lauren okay?" I asked frantically. The nurse had a bad look on her face

"Let me take you back into a room while I go get Dr. Henderson" The nurse said, turning around before I could say anything. I felt another tear fall down my face, Elliot patted my back before leading me into a empty hospital room. We waited for another 10 minutes before we heard three small knocks on the door. It opened and in walked the doctor.

"Hi there, Joseph Henderson" He said, holding out his hand. I shook it and waited for him to say more

"So Lauren is in a tough spot right now..." He said to us, he rambled on for five minutes before finally shutting up. He basically said that her blood started clotting when she was shot and dirt got mixed in with it so it became infected. The infection has a good chance of going away, but even if it does Lauren could still have permanent brain damage. However, if the infection does not go away she could die within two days. The doctor left after telling us that she would be out of surgery in 15 minutes. The second that door closed, I burst into tears and buried my face in my hands. Elliot sat me up and pulled me into him, I cried freely into his shirt until there were no more tears, just pain. We walked into the recovery room where we saw Lauren. She was pale and weak. I walked to her side and took Lauren's small hand and sat down in the chair next to the bed and waited. Elliot slowly walked out of the room in order to give Lauren and I some time together alone. Lauren was unconscious right now and if the infection spread, she would never wake up. Either way she would never be the same and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Hi, Lauren, I'm your mom. You have never met me before but I love you more than you will ever know." I whispered to my daughter, tears falling freely. I just couldn't stop them. I didn't even hear Cragen walk in. My eyes were closed and my cries filled the room. He walked up to me and laid his hand on my shoulder, but didn't say anything which I appreciated. The surgeon soon walked in and said that Lauren could be moved to her permanent room now. I held her hand during the long walk to room 237. The doctors got her hooked up to medication and left Elliot and I alone with Lauren.

_EPOV_

I looked at Olivia, hunched over with tears slowly falling, and thought about what she must be going through. To find the daughter you regretted giving up and then the next day to discover she is dying. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I have known for years that Olivia likes knowing that somebody cares about her, even thought she acts the opposite. I rested my hand on her back and rubbed it in random patterns. She seemed to calm down. We sat there for a few more hours doing nothing. I could hear Olivia's stomach growling, although she refused to do anything about it.

I drove a couple blocks down to road to her favorite restaurant. I went to the to-go area and got her some food. I walked back into the hospital room and I saw her look up at me. I handed her the food and she nodded her head in appreciation. She ate it slowly and when she was done, set it on the table next to her. The doctor came back in an hour later to see in the infection was spreading; it was. There was no way to stop it and everybody knew that Lauren would not survive. I looked at Olivia and she was pale and looked dizzy. I put my hands on both her shoulders to keep her stable. The doctor gave Olivia the choice of pulling the plug now and saving Lauren the pain or keeping it. Olivia decided to wait until it got worse just in case there was any chance of her recovering, which there wasn't. The doctor left and Olivia stood up. "I need some fresh air." She said to me.

"I'll come with you"

"No, you go and talk to the guys and tell them how she is doing." She said to me. I let her go before walking out myself.

I walked into the precinct and saw the guys all sitting at their desks. The second I walked in, they all swarmed around me.

"Lauren is in a coma and the infection is spreading. She's not going to make it" I told them.

_OPOV_

The night passed slowly as the infection grew worse. I didn't want my little girl to be in pain anymore. It was time to let her go. Morning rolled around and Elliot walked inside to see me holding Laurens hand.

"Liv, did you get any sleep?" He said in a disappointed tone. I shook my head no and looked down. There was just too much happening, I felt like I was losing everybody and now Elliot was mad at me.

"I'm sorry, El, I just couldn't take my eyes off her! I'm sorry..." I cried, hoping he would forgive me. He approached me and set a cup of coffee down. Elliot could tell that I was not acting like myself, and at the time I didn't even know it myself.

"Olivia, I'm not mad. I just want you to be thinking clearly, especially today" He said to me, which made me mad. I took a deep breath and stood up.

"You think I'm crazy right now and that I can't even make decisions for my own daughter? Wow, Elliot" I said, clearly. I didn't know what had come over me, but I was clearly about to explode with emotion.

"Liv, I didn't mean it like th-"

"Just stop it! Go away, I don't need you here and I don't want you here! Just leave" I yelled. Elliot moved closer to me and tried to touch my shoulder but I stepped away."No, you don't trust me so why should I trust you? Go. Away. Elliot!"

Elliot widened his eyes in horror, "Somebody! Help!" He yelled out the door.

"What? So you're calling doctors in here to try and calm me down? Oh my God, Elliot. I n-" He cut me off by grabbing me and pushing me out of the way when the doctors rushed in. Elliot looked at Lauren and signaled me to do the same. I pushed past Elliot and ran towards the bed.

"Liv!" He yelled. I gave up on holding in my emotions. I just let the tears come. I knew they would need to come out eventually.

"I have to hold her hand" I cried, running to my daughter and taking her hand in mine. Soon the thin green mountain-shaped lines turned into a straight and blank streak through the middle of the screen. I felt my heart drop and Elliot asked the doctors to leave, there was nothing more they could do. Lauren was gone.

* * *

><p><strong>Like? Probably not after what just happened :( Comment saying how much you would like to kill me now...<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE**

**Shout outs-**

**-ladybugsmomma-Thank you so much! I don't really know where all those metaphorical sentences came from. I re-read it and came across "that one tear was enough to drown me" and I was like, how did I come up with that? lol. I'm glad you like it though, i always get excited when I come up with a good metaphor, lol :)**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-ya, it's not really meant to be a happy story, if you can't tell, lol. I think I know what you think we have planned for Austin and let me just tell you, you are wrong :)**

**-rivermel2-Ya, sorry about that. I saw you this morning and you didn't do anything so i don't feel too threatened ;)**

**-Jenn-Ya, it is. Is Elliot ever NOT good to her? lol**

**-Jessica-Sorry, it's not a dream. Me and Photography194 knew that that is what everybody would think was gonna happen, that's why we changed it.**

**-spacekitten2700-Very true.**

**Any and all commenters will get a shout out!**

* * *

><p><em>NPOV<em>

After twenty minutes of crying, Olivia finally calmed down.

"You okay?" Elliot asked sympathetically

"Go away Elliot, I don't need a babysitter" Olivia responded, trying to keep her emotions together. Elliot walked up to her and patted her back before walking out.

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

I still couldn't figure out what was going on around me. I knew that nothing good would come out of this. I felt Lauren's hand getting colder as the long minutes past. I felt the life leaving her small body. Those imaginary tears came again and I was falling deeper into that ocean of Hell that had no way out. The ships that passed wouldn't see you, and whenever you got the rare chance of rescue, the tide would push you back before you reached the shore, and all chance of happiness would go away. Leaving you alone and breathless, just waiting for that next boat that would never come.

* * *

><p><em>EPOV<em>

I went back to the precinct for an hour so that Olivia could have some space. I had to get her out of the hospital room, I knocked on the door and walked in. She looked up at me before returning her focus to Lauren. I bent over next to her and whispered, "Hey Liv, let's step out, we can just walk around and get some fresh air" I led Olivia out into the waiting room and out the double doors outside. We reached my car and got inside. After ten minutes into our painfully quiet drive, I heard a small voice say something

"It's not fair" Was all she said. Nothing more

"Olivia I know. It's not fair, and it will never be fair, but this is not your fault. You did everything you could." I did not know what to say to her. I knew anything I said wouldn't help her, but saying something was better then not saying anything. "Liv, look at me," she looked up at me. She eyes were bloodshot and tears were running down her face uncontrollably, "I don't really know how to make you feel better, but I will try. You will be okay, and I will make sure of that. I know you have been through a lot these couple of days, but things will get better. Everything happens for a reason."

"Well there is absolutely nothing good coming out of this."

"You can't give up on life, Liv, that's not how it works. Bad things happen to amazing people and nobody knows why."

"I want to adopt Austin" Olivia stated

"Now hold on, having another child won't fill the hole in your heart where Lauren was. And Austin is going back to his family once he is checked out" I didn't understand her. One second she was crying, and now she was thinking about starting a family? This is not normal.

"But his parents are abusing him" She said

"No, it was his uncle and he was put in jail. Austin is going back to his normal life" I explained

"I have to go" She said, getting out of the car and walking away

"Hold on Olivia, where are you going?"

Olivia said nothing as she walked away from me. I knew it was useless to run after her, the Olivia i knew was gone. She had officially lost it she needed help.

I went back into the hospital and talked with the doctors and made arrangements to send Lauren's body to Melinda at the morgue. Then I walked to the precinct to find Huang.

"Hey Elliot. I thought I told you to stay with Olivia. Where is she?" asked Cragen as I walked into his office.

"Hey, is George here? I really need to talk to him about Olivia. Olivia is having some kind of mental breakdown. I had Olivia come outside with me for some fresh air. I then tried to help her out, but somehow she got it in her head that she needs to move on and start a family. She walked away from the hospital leaving me to handle Lauren without even looking back. I didn't know what to do so I am having the hospital send Lauren to Melinda. At least Melinda can hold Lauren there until Olivia can get her head together."

"I knew if anything happened to Lauren it would send Olivia over the edge. Good idea sending Lauren to Warner. That will buy us some time to help Olivia through this. I will have George go to Olivia's apartment ASAP, you go see Melinda and talk to her about Lauren. I will call Casey and tell her the news. By the way, did you just leave Austin alone at the hospital?"

"His parents were located and they are on their way to the hospital. The hospital is going to call me when he wakes up." I knew I shouldn't have left Austin alone, but I was mainly concerned about Olivia.

"No problem. I'll have either Munch or Fin go over and explain what Austin went through. Check in with me before you go home for the day please?" Cragen said,walking out of his office with me. I nodded my head and walked out of the precinct towards the morgue.

I walked into the autopsy room to see Melinda placing a kidney on ice, "Hey Melinda, did an 8 year old girl's body get sent over from the hospital?"

"Yes. She arrived about 2 minutes ago. I was just about to call you ask what it was about." She replied carrying the kidney to a freezer.

"The girl is Olivia's daughter. It's kind of a long story. Olivia was attacked and became pregnant. She gave the baby up for adoption and while Olivia and I were undercover this girl was kidnapped. While making the arrests of the perps things got ugly and Lauren here was shot."

"Oh my God. How's Liv?"

"Not well. She is not thinking clearly. She is talking about starting a family and totally forgetting about Lauren. What I am here to ask you is if you would mind holding Lauren here for a while, or just until Olivia can process what is happening. Cragen just sent Huang over to talk to her. We're hoping he can help her."

"Of course. That's no problem. Tell Olivia I'm sorry, truly. Now do you want me to do an autopsy or just keep her here?"

"We already know the cause of death, but could you do a DNA match? I want to know who the father is." I hadn't thought about that until now. I had a feeling that Olivia hadn't filed her attack, and since she gave Lauren up for adoption right after she was born, Olivia would not have had a chance to put Lauren's DNA through the system.

"Sure. I will put a rush on it, I'll call you when I have the results. Thanks for letting me know. See you later." Said Melinda as she returned to her dead body.

* * *

><p><strong>Please comment! :)<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE**

**-spacekitten27-Gladly :)**

**-ladybugsmomma-Don't they always? lol. Also-If you like this story then you will probably like my other one, too. It has to do with Olivia and a child :) lol**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-Don't worry, I will!**

**-rivermel2-Ya, you really aren't good at threatening people :)**

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

"Olivia, it's George Huang." George called from outside of my apartment. I paused for a second before continuing what I was doing; Nothing. I got home and realized that my chances of ever becoming a mother are slim. I layed down on my couch and cried. I didn't know how much longer these tears could keep coming but it seemed like forever. I put my coat on and opened my apartment door to see a small piece of paper lying on the floor.

"Megan Galley. 414-8472 -G.H." I pulled out my Iphone and looked her up, she is a shrink that George has worked with before. I really needed somebody to vent to that would actually understand. Only a mother would understand what I am going through and I don't have any friends that I can talk to. We set up an appointment for the following week.

* * *

><p><em>NPOV<em>

Elliot pulled out his cell phone when he heard it ringing, it was Olivia.

"Hey, Liv. What's up?"

"I was uh, wondering if you wanted to come over tonight. Maybe watch a movie or something." Olivia said nervously

"I would love to. I am dropping Lizzie off at a sleepover down there around 6 so I will pick up some food on my way"

"K, bye El"

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

6:00 finally came and Elliot soon was knocking on the door. I could smell the Italian from inside. I opened the door and let him in. He walked over to my counter and set the box down in front of one of the barstools before getting two wine glasses out of my cabinet. We took our food to the couch and sat down.

"So how was work today?" I asked, trying to start some sort of a conversation

"Boring. We mainly did paperwork all day" He said to me. I just nodded my head

"Did you talk to Huang?" He asked. I said no and he looked at me weird

"Didn't he come over here?"

"Uh, ya, but I didn't feel like company." He looked at me with a slightly dissapointed face

"Liv, you need to talk to somebody other than me" He said. I took a sip of my wine and set it back down.

"I have an appointment set up for next week"

"With who?"

"Megan Galley. Huang worked with her."

"That's good." He said. We ate the rest of our food but we didn't feel like watching a movie yet so we just sat on the couch and talked.

"Oh my God, my back still hurts from the cement wall" I complained

"Here, you make yourself comfortable while I go find a movie" Elliot said, getting up. I stretched my feet over the entire length of my couch just to annoy him. He put in _Nightmare On Elm Street_ just because he knew I hated scary movies.

"Do we haave to watch this?" I asked him.

"Yes, we do." He replied matter-of-factly. He pushed play and turned around to see me taking up the whole couch. He just shrugged his shoulders and sat on me.

"Elliot!" I yelled

"What?" He asked, like everything was normal

"Will you _please _get off of me?" I asked with a puppy-dog face. He smiled and stood up for a second so that I could tuck me feet into my half of the couch. After fifteen minutes of previews, the movie started. We were only ten minutes into in the movie and I was already gripping Elliot's hand. Another ten minutes into it, I decided that I wouldn't survive if I watched any more. I got my ipod and turned on _The Blindside_. Elliot made fun of me for it at first but soon he turned off his movie and stole one of my earbuds.

* * *

><p><em>EPOV<em>

We were almost done with the movie when I saw that Olivia was asleep. Well, she was on top of me so I couldn't go anywhere. I turned off the movie and set the ipod on the table next to us. I took my legs off the couch and put my hands under her head, then slipped out from under her and laid her down.

* * *

><p>O<em>POV<em>

I sat down on the large couch in Dr. Galley's office. She got me some water and sat down in her chair.

"So I hear you've been having a tough week?" I already liked her. She wasn't like the usual boring, plain, annoying shrinks that I see with other people. I can tell that she will be more like a friend, not a psychiatrist.

"Ya, um, well it's kinda complicated" I said.

"Don't worry, I have been doing this job for over a decade. So what happened?" She asked me. I figured I might as well get it all out now

"Me and my partner were working undercover to try and arrest this group for raping and murdering children...well we got there and the next day, they brought the two kids that they had chosen. One of them was my daughter. I was raped eight years ago and nobody knew about it. I gave her up the day she was born." I said, my eyes watering. Megan handed me a box of tissues

"Long story short, she was shot and she passed away five days ago. But, it's my fault because he was aiming for me and I was sitting next to her. I-I am the cause of her death" I said. After talking for what seemed like two minutes, I looked at the clock and it had been two hours. Megan gave me a journal at the end of this all and told me that whenever I needed to, I could use this to get all my feelings out. It would be private but she would ask me to share what I wrote sometimes. I headed home and immidiately started writing

_March 26th, 2009_

_My daughter, Lauren, passed away on Thursday, March 21st, and it was all my fault. I failed as a protector and I let her die. Everybody tells me that it's not my fault but I know it is. When i first found her, I was terrified but happy at the same time. I regret giving her up but I thought it was the right thing to do back then. Elliot told me that everything happens for a reason but I see nothing good coming out of this. I feel like my life is over before it has even started. No husband, no kids, no friends, no nothing. I remember when i was younger, I would dream about my child waking me up at 5:45 in the morning to open Christmas presents, I would think about me and my husband sitting together on the couch and watching a movie every once in a while, I looked forward to the time when I could look around the kitchen table to see a happy family. I still dream about those things happening but it's when I realize that most people were married when I was twenty years younger, most people were done having kids by age 35, most people have plenty of family and friends that care about them. I have Elliot. That's about it. _

* * *

><p><strong>Comment! So this chapter was not too good because it was more of a filler, lol. The ending is good though :)<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE**

**-rivermel2-Ya, you should work on that**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-Glad you like it :)**

**-ladybugsmomma-...**

**-spacekitten2700- :)**

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

A little over a month had passed and I returned to work two weeks ago. I was done with therapy because the shrink ended up being a bitch. I continued writing in my journal, though. It was a good stress reliever. I felt like something had changed about me,. I didn't know if it was because I was not used to running around chasing perps, or because I was barely eating, but whatever it was I was extremely tired lately. I used to start my day by waking up to my alarm at 6:30. I making my bed, hopping in the shower, getting dressed and being out the door by 7:45. Work did not start until 9:00, but I was always at work almost an hour early everyday. However, the last couple weeks or so I had begun having trouble getting up in the morning. I was exhausted all the time, and just wanted to sleep forever.

* * *

><p><em>EPOV<em>

I was happy that Olivia had started work again, but she was different. The first week Olivia was relatively herself, but this week she had changed. Olivia no longer showed up to work early or on time, instead she entered the squad room looking exhausted and sick. Today was no different. Olivia walked into the room with a large coffee from Starbucks and her purse. She put both down on her desk and sat down, "Good morning sunshine!" I said trying to perk her up.

"What?" I could tell she was in a bad mood, but that didn't stop me from trying to talk to her.

"What's up with the large coffee? Are you not sleeping well?"

"You look like a ray of sunshine, too." She said grumpily. She stood up and walked up to the cribs with her coffee in hand. I had to be honest with myself, she didn't look as good as she usually does. Olivia was wearing her black boots, black dress pants and a blue silk shirt. Usually, that outfit made her look sensational, but today her mood and tired appearance ruined the outfit's appeal.

"What's wrong with your partner? I thought she was cleared to come back. Something's gotten into her." Fin said, getting up to get a cup of coffee.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked him

"Well, if Olivia was seeing somebody then I would say she was-"

"I'm exhausted, Fin! I can't sleep and there's nothing I can do about it! Just leave me the Hell alone!" Olivia screamed as she came back into the room.

"Calm down Liv, I was just sayin…."

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

"Olivia! Get in here, now." Cragen said, stepping out of his office and waited for me. "Take a seat. Can you please tell me what just happened out there?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired, and honestly I don't feel well."

"Do you need to take some time off?"

"No. I'm okay. I think it's just a bug. It'll pass though don't worry. I don't want to take any more time off. I've already taken a month off."

"No one would blame you Olivia. Now, can you please just tell me what happened out there just now?" Said Cragen going around his desk to sit in the chair next to me.

"Capt'n it's okay. I just got mad at Fin, it was nothing though." I looked up at Cragen who was staring at me waiting for me to continue. "Fin was implying that the reason for this is that I was seeing somebody and it was taking my mind off of my work. Like I said it was nothing. Actually, can I just take the rest of the day off?"

"Of course. I'll see you tomorrow. Feel better. Oh, and I'll talk to Fin." Said Cragen as he let me out of the office. I walked out grabbed my purse and walked out of the precinct.

I went straight home and changed into pajamas and crawled into bed, and instantly fell asleep. I awoke that night to an upset stomach, I ran into the bathroom just in time. I emptied the contents of my stomach and sat down leaning against the sink. I knew something was wrong; I had to get to the doctors. I felt another wave of nausea coming. I leaned over the toilet and threw up again. Once I felt relatively better I called my doctors appointment and was able to make an appointment for the next morning at 10am. I then called Cragen and told him I still did not feel well, and had a doctor's appointment. I set my alarm for eight and went back to sleep.

* * *

><p>"Okay Olivia. I'm going to listen to your breathing and then I will take some blood. Hopefully that will tell us what you have."<p>

As Dr. Hadley began checking me over I began thinking about what Fin had said earlier. Had I really changed that much?

"Your breathing is fine and you don't have a fever" she said, pulling the stethoscope out of her ears. She took blood and sent me out to the waiting room until the results came back. She finally cam back out and led me into a different room; An ultrasound room. We got settled and we began talking

"What am I doing here?" I asked.

"Well Olivia, you are pregnant" She said to me.

"No, I can't be. I haven't dated anybody in over a year." I said, half laughing

"Wanna see for yourself?" She asked me. I nodded my head.

Dr. Hadley pulled the ultrasound cart around and pressed many buttons and then told me to lift up my shirt. "This may be a little cold," she warned me. She put the gel onto my stomach and began moving the wand around.

Soon a little round looking ball appeared on the screen.

"Is that a baby?" I asked beginning to tear up. Dr. Hadley nodded her head and just stared at the screen in awe. "Oh my God" I said, letting the tears fall down my face, this baby meant that I had to have been raped by Nathan, Mark, or Sean.

Dr. Hadley snapped out of her initial shock and became my doctor again, "As your doctor I am responsible for telling you about every option for you. There is always the option of having this baby, there is giving it up for adoption, and there is also the option of an abortion."

"No. I want this baby." I said. This was not that way I had planned on starting a family, but it was not an option to have an abortion. And after what happened to Lauren I was not going to give this baby up for adoption.

"Well, okay now that you have decided what you want to do we should start you on prenatal vitamins and schedule you for an appointment with an OBGYN. I can recommend you to a friend of mine, I can even make the appoint for you right now."

"Thank you."

After leaving the doctors office I didn't know what to do. My appointment with my OBGYN was for next week with Dr. Masley. I didn't feel like going home, so I went to the precinct. But before I went inside, I pulled out the journal that I keep in my purse

_So i'm pregnant. I have no idea how. It had to have been while we were undercover. I remember waking up one morning feeling dizzy, soar, and kind of sick. I just figured it was from being in a basement with little ventilation all night and sleeping weird. I really don't know what i'm doing. I'm not ready, I will tell you that. _

I finished writing and walked inside. Munch, Fin and Elliot were not there, I guessed that they were out either arresting a perp or tracking one down. I sat down at my desk and began the big stack of paperwork. Not long after I had started did the guys walk in.

"Olivia? Cragen said you were taking the day off. Are you feeling better?" asked Elliot taking a seat at his desk.

"Elliot can we talk upstairs? I really need to talk to you"

* * *

><p><em>EPOV<em>

I followed Olivia up the stairs into the cribs. We took a seat on the beds facing each other. "Olivia? What's up?"

"I went to the doctors today since I haven't been feeling well. When the doctor was checking my heartbeat and nothing came up. Shee took blood and..."

"Olivia, whatever it is, I will be here for you."

"Elliot stop. Let me finish, anyway, my doctor did an ultrasound..." She stopped talking and began to cry. I lifted up her chin and asked,

"Olivia are you pregnant?" She nodded her head and let the tears fall.

"You're not seeing anybody, are you?" I asked, already knowing that answer. She shook her head no and covered her face with her hands

"How can I be pregnant? It doesn't make any sense!" She cried. I pulled her into my arms and let her cry on my shoulder.

"Hey Liv I'll be here every step of the way. You won't have to do this alone. Hey, you know what will cheer you up? Shopping for the baby."

"I don't even know if the baby is a boy or girl. Elliot, can we just go out to eat? I haven't eaten anything since I threw up this morning. I am starving."

"Sure. Let's go to that little restaurant you love so much. What's it called again?"

"MaryAnn's." I led Olivia down stairs and out of the precinct to MaryAnn's for lunch with my pregnant partner. I knew this baby was going to be hard for Olivia, but whatever happened I would be there for her. I was never going to leave Olivia; she meant everything to me.

* * *

><p><strong>Bet ya didn't see that one coming ;) Well, maybe you did. But you probably didnt, lol. Comment!<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE**

**Shout outs-**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-Well I was purposely hinting towards it then, lol**

**-ladybugsmomma-Don't worry, she won't bite his head off :)**

**-Angelstarshimmer-Thank you!**

**-rivermel2-ya right**

**-spacekitten-:)**

**-audrey09-Thanks!**

**Any and all commenters get a shout out!**

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

I had thought about it a ton and I decided to wait to tell Fin and Munch about the pregnancy. Today was the day that I was planning on telling Cragen. knocked on the door and walked in to see Cragen looking down at some papers

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked

"Of course, Liv, have a seat" He said to me. I sat down and folded my hands on my lap.

"What's up?" He asked me

"Well, I'm pregnant" I said bluntly. His eyes opened in shock

"Who?"

"I don't know. I think it's Mark's. I don't know how, but there is a child inside me"

"...What are you gonna do?" He asked me

"I'm keeping it, no question. After it is born I want to get a paternity test done to see who the father is. Then we can figure out what happened."

"Sounds good. You are on desk duty at five months and that's an order. You can choose when you want to take time off."

"Thanks, captain, I appreciate this"

"No problem. Are you going to tell anybody?"

"Elliot knows, but I don't want to tell everybody about it yet. There is just too much going on"

* * *

><p>I walked up to Elliot after I left Cragen's office and he led me up to the cribs. I sat down on what was now known as my bed(after being in the same building for 12 years, everybody knows that I have always used the same bed) and Elliot sat next to me.<p>

"You need to talk to somebody besides me."

"I tried that. Didn't work out too well" I chuckled.

"Well keeping it all bottled up inside isn't doing you much good. Are you doing anything to get rid of the problem?"

"I have a journal that I write in a lot. It helps"

"Is anybody reading what you write?"

"No"

"Well that's what you should do. Find somebody that will go over what you have written and they can talk to you about it"

* * *

><p>I thought about what Elliot said and decided to give it a try. I found somebody new that seemed to work well with me. I went to my second appointment with her and this time I brought my journal. She told me that I only had to share what I wanted and she would accept whatever I had to say.<p>

"_Today I learned that I am pregnant. I don't know what to think. Elliot told me that he would help me through this and I believe him. I also feel bad for him. He works with me every day and almost never complains when all I do is cause problems. I am the reason our undercover operation didn't work out. I am the reason his marriage went down the toilet. I am the reason he doesn't like going home to his family every night. At the same time, I am jealous of him. At least he has a family, he doesn't know what it is like to be alone. The day Lauren was born, I saw a small glimpse of a family I could someday have, but then I gave it up. I got rid of the one person that loved me no matter what. Elliot has told me on numorous occasions that he would do anything for me and that he is there for me but i'm not sure that is 100% true. Then again, i'm not really sure about anything right now"_

"So Elliot, tell me about him" My phyciatrist, Nicole Patterson, said to me

"What version? The one that I would tell my boss or the one that I would tell my stuffed animal?" I asked, half-smiling

"I'll take what's behind door number two"

"Ok then. Elliot is everything. He has been my partner for over twelve years and I trust him with my life. I like knowing that there is somebody that I can talk to that always knows how to make it better, even when I don't. He has never left my side, although I have left his once before. He has saved my life on numorous occasions and he is my best friend. He cares about me" I explained, not sure what she would say to that.

"What kind of relationship do you two have?"

"Like I said, he is my best friend. We would do anything for eachother"

"Do you have any romantic feelings for him?"

"I don't know. After twelve years we are already closer than anybody I have ever met. I love him to death but not necessarily in a romantic way."

The rest of the session went fine. We just spent time talking about Elliot. Next week we were planning on talking more about what I want to do with my life. Until then, it's just dealing with what I have on my shoulders right now.

* * *

><p><em>EPOV<em>

Why Olivia? What has she done to deserve this? I can tell that she's still keeping stuff bottled up inside. That's why i'm making it my mission to get her to open up tonight. I am taking her out for ice cream and then we will go to Central Park after. Hopefully I can get her to talk to me.

After a long day of work, I showed up at Olivia's apartment and she was on her way down the stairs. She made it outside and we got in my car. She was wearing a black, long sleeved, knitted top, dark jeans, black boots, and her usual necklaces. She looked amazing. We drove to her favorite ice cream parlor, Leon's Creamery, and got our dessert. After eating, we drove to Central Park.

"What are we doing here, El?" She asked me. It was a Thursday night in the middle of April so the park was perfect. The sun was going to start going down soon, it was empty, the weather was perfect, all the flowers were blooming, and there were very few people there.

"We are going to take this entire night just to relax. You look like you could use somebody to talk to." I said to her.

"El, I am already talking to somebody"

"Is it helping?"

"Not really"

We walked around the park until the sun started going down. Olivia was already in a good mood from a butterfly that landed on her shoulder so I decided to make this a fun night. I grabbed her arm and pulled her the other way; Towards the playground.

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

"Where are we going?" I laughed while Elliot was running the opposite way that we were going with my arm firmly in his hand.

"You'll see" Elliot yelled. We turned he corner then I saw the playground.

"Elliot! Slow down!" I yelled, even though I could keep up with him easily. We made it to the playground and he led me to the jungle gym. After running around there we stopped to catch our breath

"Race ya to the swings?"

"Go!" I yelled before he was ready. I sped off and he almost tripped over himself trying to catch me

"Not fair!" He yelled. I was almost there when he grabbed my arm and pulled me back

"Hey!" I screamed. He pushed me and ran to the swingset before I could even get up. We were both trying our best to breathe from the lack of air due to our laughter. We swung for a while before deciding to go walk for a while. We found a nice area that was next to a pond and we decided to sit down. The sun started lowering and I sighed.

"I love nature" I laughed.

"I know. Why do you think I brought you here?" Elliot said. After a while of thinking, I decided that because Elliot was being so good to me and I don't even want to talk to him. Well, I do, but what will he think?

"Do you think I will be a good mother?" I asked, expecting him to tell me about how I'm so good with kids and I will do fine. But no, instead he put his arm around my shoulder and scooted close to me.

"If you could have one wish, what would it be?" he asked me. That was easy

"A family"

"Well do you think that a bad mother would take a family over anything else in the world?"

"No"

"Well there's your answer."

* * *

><p><strong>Like? Comment!<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE**

**Shout outs-**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-Very fun :)**

**-Jessica-I try my best, lol**

**-spacekitten2700-thanks so much!**

**-Sava-Just wait ;) Thank you soooooo much for the long review :) I LOVE THEM! lol**

**Any and all commenters will get a shout out :)**

* * *

><p>We layed there, the sun setting across the sky, the small breeze calming down. The soft grass beneath our backs, the smell of spring filling the air. It doesn't seem real to me, it is all too perfect. I am here with my best friend and I don't have a care in the world. Im sure that when I get home, i will feel like the world is back on my shoulders. But I'm not paying attention to that, I only want to live right now.<p>

"Ready to head back?" Elliot asked me, breaking the sound of nature that was filling the air.

"No" Was all I said. I have never felt this relaxed before, I'm not ready to leave just yet. Elliot didn't say anything, I took that as a silent ok. We watched the sky for another thirty minutes before it was almost dark. I looked at the first star that caught my eye and watched it closely. The way it flickered made me think about the small miracle inside me, quickly growing into a child. I used to say "why me?" and think about why it was me that got this awful life. Now I think "why me?" and think about how I got so lucky. I have a child inside me, I have a job where all of my co-workers car about me, I have a best friend that would do anything for me. Elliot knows me inside and out. He knows why I don't talk about everything on my mind and he accepts that. He knows that I look tough on the outside but I honestly love having him around to make me feel safe. I don't remember being raped, but just knowing that I was makes me always want to have somebody around. The next time I looked at my watch it was almost midnight. I guess time flies when you're talking to your partner.

"It's getting cold, you ready to head back?" Elliot asked. I nodded my head and we got up.

We were at least a mile away from our car and it was dark and completely silent, not the best place to be when you're scared. We got about half way there when I thought I heard something coming from the bushes. I grabbed Elliot's hand and held on to it tight.

"You ok?" He asked me.

"Uh, ya, I thought I heard something coming frmo the bushes. But it was probably nothing let's keep going" I said. Right when I finished my sentance, Elliot put his arm around me, knowing that It would help me to feel safe right now.

"Thanks" I whispered.

We walked for a little while longer before I thought I heard something behind us. I started walking a little faster and Elliot noticed. "Liv, whats the matter?" He asked me. I whipped my head around and stopped in my tracks; Nothing was there. I waited a few more seconds and still heard nothing. Elliot looked over at me and saw the fear in my eyes. He turned me around and wrapped both his arms around me.

"El, I'm fine, I just thought I heard something." I said, pulling myself out of his embrace. He said ok, knowing he didn't want me to think I had to be protected. He took my hand in his and we walked the rest of the way to the car. I laid back on the headrest and imagined what it was going to be like to be a mother. I thought for what seemed like hours but my thoughts faded away as a darkness fell upon me.

"Liv" I heard.

_I was being pinned down_

"Liv"

_Somebody was on top of me, I was chained to the ground. _

"Wake up"

_I tried to break out of his grasp but the metal rings held me back. I tried to hit him but I couldn't _

"Olivia, calm down"

_He wasn't mean though, he was actually gentle. Nobody else was though. They were yelling at him to have more fun but he wasn't listening. Then one of them started shaking me, hard. I was yelling but he wouldn't stop. _

"Olivia. You're ok" I then had this urge to give up, my eyes fluttered open and I saw Elliot next to me, with his hands on me. I felt like crying, I almost did.

"Wh...What happened?" I asked.

"You were having a nightmare. We are at your apartment and you are safe" He explained. It made sense now: I was starting to remember what happened that night. I knew I wasn't getting any sleep tonight so I let Elliot come inside with me. He took me to my bedroom where I got some clothes and went Ito he bathroom to shower and get ready for bed. When I walked out, Elliot was making tea. I silently hopped up on the counter and grabbed a mug. Elliot filled it up and made coffee for himself. He knew that he would be with me for a while.

"What was your dream about?" He asked me. I didnt know what to say so I said what I always did

"Nothing, it was just a dream."

"Liv, talk to me, please." Elliot said. I felt the tears building up in my eyes and I accidentally let one slip out. The second it fell ot the ground, I knew it was over. I wouldnt be able to

"It was about the night that i was attacked. I'm starting to remember it" I admitted. Elliot made me tell him everything. He asked me who I saw in my dream but I told him that I dont remember and I wanted to go to bed. He went home after making sure I was asleep.

* * *

><p><em>6-14-09<em>

_Things are starting to change. The nightmares are finally going away. My journal entries are slowly reducing and I am going to stop counceling soon. I finally get to find out if my baby is a boy or a girl next week, I can't wait. I feel myself climbing up the many steps to a better life. _

_Maybe the waves arent drowning me anymore. _

_Maybe my rescue boat is coming._

* * *

><p><strong>Comment :)<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**Not mine**

**Shout outs-**

**-ladybugsmomma-What do you want it to be?**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-It was more like her remembering it. She didn't even know she was raped until she was pregnant and now she is starting to have memories of it**

**-Anonymous(but I know its rivermel2)-First of all-The queen banishing thing doesnt work for you. 2nd-I am not naming her Melanie. You are in a different story :) Glad you like the metaphores, lol**

**-edge15684-Thanks!**

**-spacekitten2700-Here ya go :)**

**-Jessica-Aww, thank you so much! I love writing stuff like that :)**

**And and all commenters get a shout out!**

* * *

><p><em>(Olivia's four months pregnant)<em>

_OPOV_

I was still working and Elliot was still my partner, but it was getting harder to chase down perps. My stomach wasn't too big, but I could feel it weighing me down when Elliot and I had to chase somebody, though. Elliot and I were hanging out a lot more these days. We ate lunch and dinner out a lot more during work and sometimes came back to my place just to talk . I was finished with therapy but still writing in my journal. I was having an unusually bad day today; I woke up feeling awful. My stomach was pounding, and I had a cold and headache. I knew I would need the day off so I called Cragen.

"Donald Cragen, Special Victims Unit."

"Hey, its Olivia."

"Hey, are you ok?" he asked.

"Actually I'm not feeling so well. Could I-"

"-have the day off? Not a problem. Just take it easy, is it the baby?"

"Yeah, its my stomach and I have a cold and a headache. I also have a doctors appointment later anyway."

"Okay, well feel better. Hope to see you tomorrow."

"Thanks capt'n." I hung up the phone and went to get a glass of water. As I was staring out of the window that overlooked the street I realized I needed to call Elliot.

* * *

><p><em>EPOV<em>

I was in the middle of getting dressed when I heard my phone ring. I put my shirt down on the bed and looked for my phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey El. I just wanted to let you know that I am taking the day off, I don't feel well. Are you still coming to the doctors with me later?"

"Of course I am. Aren't you going to find out the sex of the baby?" I asked. I was so excited. I had been with Olivia to almost every doctor appointment.

"I completely forgot! Okay, Elliot I need to freshen up and maybe go back to sleep for a little. The appointments at 2pm. I'll see you there!" She squealed

"Bye Olivia." I hung up the phone and continued to get dressed. About an hour later I was pulling up to the station house in the car.

"Hey man. Where's Liv?" asked Fin walking up to me with a coffee in hand.

"She's not feeling well, and she also has a doctors appointment. She should be back tomorrow. Do we have case?"

"I don't know. I haven't been up there yet." Said Fin. Fin and I walked into the precinct to find Cragen talking to Munch.

"We have a case. It's pretty bad. The victim is unconscious, but you need to go talk to the doctors and find out the extent of her injuries. Munch and I will head to the crime scene. Elliot I know you have to go to Olivia's appointment at 2, so when you need to leave Fin you should just come back to the station."

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

I awoke to my alarm. It was one in the afternoon; I needed to take a shower and head out. I got out of the shower and walked towards my closet. I choose to wear black yoga pants, a white tank top and a blue sweater. I wanted to stay comfortable, but look somewhat decent. I walked out of my apartment and got in my car. By the time I got inside and checked in with the receptionist, Elliot walked in looking exhausted.

"Elliot what's wrong?" I said walking towards him.

"It's the case; tough one. I'm sorry, lets just focus on this appointment. Can't wait to see if it will be a little-Livy or a...Levi." Elliot said, laying his hand on my stomach.

"Olivia Benson?" called Dr. Henderson.

Elliot and I got up and followed the doctor into her office. The doctor had me climb up on the chair and lift up my shirt.

"Have you been having any discomfort?" asked Dr. Henderson while she put the gel onto my stomach.

"I've been feeling nauseous lately, but other then that I've been okay."

"Don't forget about the lower back pain." Elliot added.

"Oh yeah, and that. But it only happens when I stand too long."

"Both normal with pregnancies. Now, just looking at your stomach I can tell you that your stomach is big for a four-month belly. That's not a bad thing, but it could be a sign that the baby will be premature, but I can't really tell as of now." We then heard a heartbeat and could see the baby on the monitor. "Now, do you want to know the sex of the baby?"

"Yes." I whispered, trying not to scream from excitement. I grabbed Elliot's hand and squeezed it

"There's your little girl! And by the looks of things she is 100% healthy! Now, the baby is not large so I believe that your stomach has a lot of amniotic fluid. This is not a bad thing, but if there gets to be too much I will need to drain some of it. This is way in the future though." He explained. I wasnt listening though. I was too busy trying to keep in all my excitement. The appointment ended shortly after he told us her due date; December 12th. Elliot then took me down to the station to tell everybody.

* * *

><p><em>EPOV<em>

Everybody was happy for Olivia and she wanted to stay longer but decided to go home to rest instead. I drove her back and walked her inside like I always do. We approached her from door and walked inside. She plopped down on her couch and asked me to get her some water. I said ok and got her a drink.

"Liv, you really need to go to bed. The faster you get better, the fast you will be able to go shopping for your daughter." I said. I heard her let out a small sigh after I finished talking. She looked up at me and smiled,

"I'm going to have a daughter." She said, tears of joy filling her eyes. One fell and she didn't even bother to wipe it away. I helped her up off the couch and without even really trying, my arms wrapped around her and held her tight.

After that amazing moment, I decided it was time to get Olivia to bed. I walked her into her bedroom and draped the comforter over her.

"Will you hand me that journal?" She asked me, pointing to her nightstand drawer. I opened it and saw a small, black, book with a white string to as a bookmark. I was so wanted to know so badly what was written inside it but I didn't want to break Olivia and I's trust. I passed her the journal and a pencil.

"See you in the morning." I said, walking out.

"Thanks, El"

"Any time"

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

_I'm having a girl. A tiny, beautiful, baby girl. Now I just have to wait five months to meet her, I can't wait for December. I have been feeling sick today so I didn't get much done besides the appointment. Elliot took me home tonight and stayed with me until I was in bed. But before that, he hugged me. But it wasn't in a romantic way. It was for comfort. The way my head fit perfectly on Elliot's shoulder made us inseparable. His arms around me, making me feel so peaceful and safe. I am probably one of the few people who know what its like to have a true best friend. Everybody has the people in their lives that can make them laugh or smile and would do anything for them. But I bet very few people have somebody like Elliot; A person that can read you like a book, or can finish your sentences after only hearing one word of it, or even just knows how to make you truly happy. I will never realize how lucky I am and I will probably never accept the fact that in our line of work, Elliot could be gone at any moment. But in the past couple of months, I have learned that it is entirely true and that there is no telling what the future will bring you._

_Don't put your life on hold, you will get nothing out of it. Don't hesitate to follow your dreams, you will spend every day wondering what you could have accomplished. There's no knowing how much time you have left. Maybe you have 100 years, maybe you have 100 hours. Spending time trying to prevent death only takes time away from the life you are living so don't think about what will happen after you die or who will care. Think about what you can do in your life and only worry about who cares for you right now. Thats all that matters, I know from experience._

* * *

><p><strong>So it IS a girl. Now we need your help figuring out names! Suggest your favorites in the comments :)<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**Not mine**

**Shout outs-**

**-MojoNolive-Thanks for the names :)**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-Thanks so much! Grace is the other writers name so probably not that ;) lol. **

**-ladybugsmomma-Hmmm, I like Lilly :)**

**-spacekitten-Thanks for the suggestions!**

**-Jessica-Hayley is my name :)**

**-Franshes-Thanks for reading! We TOTALLY appreciate it! You will have to keep reading to find out who the father is :) Thanks for the names!**

**Any and all commenters get a shout out!**

**OK! So we have narrowed it down. Please comment with your favorite name out of these-**

**Natalie Claire **

**Madison Lily **

**Hayley Grace (That is Photography194 [the other writer] and I's first names, lol. Just adding that for fun)**

**Lila Madison**

**Megan Nicole**

**Sorry for the late update! We(me and photography194) have been sooooooo busy with end of the school year/start of summer stuff. Thanks for understanding :)**

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

The day came, i'm not sure if I am happy or sad. Today I am five months pregnant which, unfortunately, means that I am on desk duty from now on. On the bright side, only four more months until my baby will be born! Elliot decided that to celebrate this "milestone(how is desk duty a milestone?)" by taking me baby shopping. I have a some clothes and bottles and things that I have picked up at Target or the grocery store when I go but I have absolutely no furniture or anything else. I threw on a baby blue tank top and jeans that just barely fit me enough now that I have a small baby bump. Elliot finished his last case at noon and said that he was going to come pick me up after filling out some paperwork. I walked into my kitchen to find something to eat but nothing sounded good. I called Elliot and told him to hurry up because he was taking me out to lunch. I was fixing my hair when I heard a knock on my door.

"You have a key!" I called out to him. I heard a click then saw him walking towards me, putting his keychain back in his pocket.

"You told me to only use the key for emergencies." He reminded me.

"When I look this awful, it is an emergency." He just rolled his eyes and threw my jacket at me.

"Elliot, it's August."

"Hey, i'm not the one who is always complaining about being cold. And you look fine." I grabbed my jacket and my purse and we started walking out.

"I could be wearing dirty clothes, old shoes, no make-up, and have purple hair that sticks up and you would still say I look fine." I told him, half laughing.

"True. What do you want for lunch?" He asked. I thought for a while and decided that only two things sounded good; French fries and a milkshake. I told him this and we were soon at Wendy's. We got our food and began out drive to the store. I stared out my window for a while, thinking about what will be happening over the next few months. What if somethings wrong with my baby? But mostly, who is her father? I was thinking for a while when I finally decided to break the silence.

"What is somethings wrong with her?" I whispered. I heard Elliot sigh and hiss hand wrapped around the back of my neck.

"If somethings wrong, I know you will love her just as much. But we don't need to think about that." He said, rubbing his thumb in small circles. I simply nodded and turned up the music.

_I set out on a narrow way many years ago_  
><em>Hoping I would find true love along the broken road<em>  
><em>But I got lost a time or two<em>  
><em>Wiped my brow and kept pushing through<em>  
><em>I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you<em>  
><em><br>__Every long lost dream led me to where you are_  
><em>Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars<em>  
><em>Pointing me on my way into your loving arms<em>  
><em>This much I know is true<em>  
><em>That God blessed the broken road<em>  
><em>That led me straight to you<em>

_I think about the years I spent just passing through_  
><em>I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you<em>  
><em>But you just smile and take my hand<em>  
><em>You've been there you understand<em>  
><em>It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true<em>

_Now I'm just rolling home_  
><em>Into my lover's arms<em>  
><em>This much I know is true<em>  
><em>That God blessed the broken road<em>  
><em>That led me straight to you<em>

_That God blessed the broken road_  
><em>That led me straight to you<em>

I listened to the lyrics and thought about how much I _wish _my life could be like that. Maybe that life just isn't meant for me, oh well. We pulled into the parking lot and Elliot found the closest spot to the front. We walked inside and the first thing we ran into was the big stuff; Strollers, booster seats, and stuff like that. Elliot grabbed a cart and we decided to get all the small things first like clothes, bottles, diapers, and toys.

"You know, you will get plenty of stuff at your baby shower." Elliot assured me.

"I'm probably not going to have a baby shower." I said, he just laughed.

"Yes you are, whether you like it or not. This is your first baby, Liv, you are having a party." He said matter-of-factly. Honestly, I wanted a party, I was just embarrassed that I would only have about seven people at that party. I didn't say anything, just kept walking.

After two hours, we left the store with a full cart. We decided to go back another day to get all of the big stuff. Elliot and I went out to dinner and back to my place. He helped me get all the baby stuff into the corner of my room and we watched a movie. I actually stayed awake this time, luckily. We were cleaning up the popcorn that we threw at eachother when I felt something like popcorn popping inside me. I gasped and a smile grew on my face.

"What?" Elliot asked.

"My baby...she's kicking." I whispered, placing my hand on my small baby bump. I couldn't feel much but I could tell there was something there. I grabbed Elliot's hand and placed it on my stomach. I watched as his face lit up, he must have felt her, too. He looked up at me and our eyes locked with each other, I could see that he saw the happiness in my eyes.

* * *

><p><em>Today my baby kicked for the first time. It was incredible, nothing like anything I have ever felt. Me and Elliot picked some things out for her today. I'm going to find a bigger apartment , or maybe a house, so that she can have her own room. We think we found the perfect one, it's a one-story house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. It's a little crammed but it's in my budget and it will work. <em>

_So I have been thinking a lot lately and I'm getting nowhere. I can't wait, but at the same but i'm dreading, the day that I find out who the father of my daughter is. I'm not sure how I will do it though. What if it's not one of them? What is they had friends over and one of them raped me? Then we may never find him. I wish it was just over. I wish my daughter could have a real father. I wish my daughter could have a normal life. But then again, what is normal these days?_

* * *

><p><strong>Ya, pretty short :( I tried to write it fast so that you could have an update but like I said, we have both been extremely busy so just be happy you got this, lol. Remember to vote on your favorite names!<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE**

**Shout outs-**

**-rivermel2-Melanie, thats for a different story, lol. I gave you a list of names that you were supposed to choose from so you aren't following the rules.**

**-earth-fairy2006-Thanks so much! We really appreciate the review!**

**-Jessica-Thanks!**

**-ladybugsmomma-Me too :) Thanks for the suggestion!**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-I love that song, too!**

* * *

><p><em>(Olivia is now 7 months pregnant)<em>

_(Olivia's point of view)_

The baby shower is tomorrow and I am so excited. I don't know what is going to happen at it since Casey was planning it. All she told me was to show up at the restaurant at 2pm for the shower. Elliot said he would pick me up and take me. Last week at my doctors appointment, the doctor told me I had high blood pressure and ever since then Elliot had been watching me like a hawk. He was afraid that something would happen to the baby or me; he was just very over protective.

That morning I woke up at around 10am and showered then went and made myself a bowl of cereal and had a banana. Not long after I had entered my bedroom, I heard a knock on the door. I looked through the peephole and saw that it was Elliot.

"What are you doing here so early? It's only 11. We don't need to be at the restaurant until 2."

"I know. I was bored sitting around at home."

"Okay, well I need to get dressed."

"So go do it."

"I don't know what to wear. Nothing fits me anymore!"

"I thought you just went shopping with Casey last week?" I loved how Elliot knew everything I did, it made me special.

"I did, but we didn't get anything fancy." I had been trying to figure out what to wear for days. I had thought about it in my head, but never actually tried anything on. I suppose I could go shopping, but did I really want to? No, I didn't.

"Come on." Elliot got up from the couch and led me into my bedroom. He had me sit on the bed and began opening up drawers from my dresser and walking back and forth between my closet and the dresser.

"Elliot, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to find something for you to wear!"

"The bottom drawers are my clothes before this big belly came." I said pointing to my stomach.

"Liv, just sit there and let me do this."

"The problem isn't that I don't have anything to wear its just I eitherdon't look good in it or I don't fit!"

"Now, you know that's not true." Elliot began pulling clothes out and laying them out on the bed next to me. "Okay. I have three outfits, now choose one."

I stood up and looked at the outfits next to me. One was a blue long sleeved shirt and black dress pants. The other was a blue strapless dress and a white sweater and the last was a silk blue tank top with a black skirt.

"El, how come you picked every blue piece of clothing that I own?"

"Because you look the best in blue. Now go try these on!."

"I don't like this one. It's what I wear to work. Plus, those pants don't fit. They are too small." I said pointing to the blue-sleeved shirt and black pants.

"You see, Olivia, there is a simple answer; Try the other two on." He said, jokingly. I rolled my eyes and walked into the bathroom with the clothes in hand. I first tried on the blue shirt and skirt. I looked at myself in the mirror. The clothes actually fit. Then I tried on the dress and the sweater and decided it was much cuter. I walked out of the bathroom and into my bedroom.

"What do you think?" I asked, striking a supermodel pose.

"I think we have a winner," he said.

"Oh why thank you." I didn't know what I was doing, but I leaned in and kissed Elliot. He didn't pull away like I thought he would, he actually kissed me back.

"I'm sorry Elliot." I said pulling away from him.

"Don't be."

"It was the hormones…want to get some breakfast? I'm hungry."

"Sure. And Liv, I'm not sorry you did." He said, matter-of-factly. We walked out of the apartment and to a diner down the street. Although I had cereal and a banana it wasn't enough. The baby had me eating almost 24/7

_Elliot's point of view_

"We should head to the restaurant, It's 1:45pm." Olivia's baby shower was at a restaurant and we had just eaten. I thought we shouldn't eat, but I knew Olivia would still have an appetite.

"Already? I don't want to deal with people. Can we just skip it?" We had gone to the diner and then to Riverside Park for a walk. "Can we at least take a cab? I don't think my feet can take any more walking."

"Of course." I hailed us a cab and we climbed in. The drive took about 15 minutes. I helped Olivia get out of the cab and into the restaurant.

"SURPRISE!" Everyone shouted. Casey walked over to us and gave Liv a giant hug. She whispered in my ear, "I know this wasn't a surprise, but the guests think it was. So just go along with it."

"Thanks Casey. I really appreciate all of this." Olivia said as she walked down towards the awaiting people. This wasn't a large shower, but it was just right for her. For the first hour everyone was talking and catching up. Then lunch was served, so everyone took a seat at his or her assigned seat. Olivia was the head of the long table. I sat on her right, Fin was next to me and Munch was next to Fin. Casey was on Olivia's left, then Cragen and then Melinda and Huang. The people who Olivia didn't really see very often were farther away from her. I knew Olivia didn't see many people outside of work, but many thought they were close with her. After everyone ate and watched Olivia open presents. From Casey she got clothes, and a pink and white car seat. The baby received a sweatshirt that said 'SVU BABY' and a pair of sparkly silver they put chairs in a circle and shoes from Fin. He said that the baby would have to grow into them because they were for a one year old. Munch bought the baby books and toys.

"I'm not very good at shopping for babies. Sorry Liv."

"Munch, these presents came from you and I think that's all that this baby will care about." Liv said, then continued to open presents. Melinda and Huang gave Liv a changing table and a diaper genie. Cragen gave Liv a diaper bag and a baby bathtub, which included towels. Then it was my turn, I presented Liv with a crib. The crib was a dark brown wood and had pink sheets. The skirt was lime green and pink with pretty flowers on the bottom. The bumper matched the sheets and skirt; it had a bird and pastel leaves. There was also a mobile that had sweet birds. The bed matched the baby's room, which were pink, white and green.

_Olivia's point of view_

"Elliot! You shouldn't have. I thought we were going to get a crib later. This is too much! How did you know that I didn't have any of this?"

"We asked Elliot and he said you hadn't been shopping yet. We told him not to let you go shopping. We wanted to get all of these things for you." said Melinda excitedly.

"After all this is the first SVU baby!" said Cragen coming over and laying his hand on my shoulder

"Thank you so much! This little girl is going to be so spoiled!" I couldn't believe how much this baby was loved. She wasn't even here yet and she already had enough toys to last her a lifetime. I continued to open up presents. No one's presents were as large as the presents from my SVU family. I got many receiving blankets, clothes, toys, books, and bottles and pacifiers. I really appreciated everything was doing for me.

By the end of the shower I was exhausted. After the guests had left Melinda, Casey, Fin, Cragen and Elliot were cleaning up and gathering my presents together. I had curled up on the couch and was beginning to fall asleep. I thought I was awake but then I felt someone shaking me.

"Liv, wake up it's time to go home." I looked up it was Fin. "Elliot's going to take you home. I brought the van here so that we can take all of your stuff with us."

I let Fin help me up and into the cab that Elliot was waiting in. On the way back to my apartment I fell asleep on Elliot's shoulder. The next thing I clearly remember is waking up in my bed at 9:30, I must have been exhausted.

_Elliot's Point of View_

_Six weeks later_

I couldn't believe it, the baby was coming. Olivia was a month and a half early.

The day had started out normally; I went to work and was expecting Liv to come in late because she said she was too tired to come in at a normal time. At about 10:30 she walked into the precinct looking awful, "Olivia? I thought you were coming at noon." I said.

"I couldn't sleep. I don't feel well." I looked at her with concern, "It's my stomach. I think it was the chicken we had last night. I've been sick since 5am."

"You mean puking?" She nodded. I was worried for her. The doctor said at her last appointment that Liv's blood pressure was still high, and that any stress could harm her or the baby. If Liv was sick, then that put stress on her and the baby, which could harm either of them. "I think we should go to the doctors."

"Elliot I'm fine. It's just some bad food. Please, can we just-" She was caught of guard by a man covered in blood running through the bullpen at lightening speed. A cop came running after him, yelling at him to stop. They continued to run in circles as everybody ran to the upper level. Munch and Fin were gone so there were very few people around right now. I quickly tried to get Olivia out of the room, but she began to lean into me too much.

"Elliot, stop." She said, pulling me back. I could see that she was dizzy. I looked over at the man covered in blood, the cop had him and was taking him to the cell. As I began to turn back around Olivia bent over and began to puke all over the floor. The man covered in blood tried to make a run for it and I tried to get Olivia out of the way. I moved us to the side, but it didn't matter. The man slipped next to Olivia and grabbed Olivia's arm, pulling her down with him.

"Olivia? Are you okay?" She began to get up but then stopped and grabbed her stomach.

"Elliot," She said, gasping for the air that had just been knocked out of her.

"My water just broke."

* * *

><p><strong>So we have the names narrowed down to Lila Madison or Madison Lily. Comment with your favorite!<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**DISCLAIMER-Not mine :(**

**Shout outs-**

**-spacekitten2700-thanks :]  
><strong>

**-ladybugsmomma-Showers and kisses and babies, oh my! lol. I liked Lila Madison too but Madison Lily got one more vote :(**

**-MojoNolive93-Thanks :)**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-Like I said to ladybugsmomma, Madison Lily got one more vote :(**

**-edge15684-Yay!**

**-Franshes-Coolness :)**

**Thanks for all the reviews! Madison Lily won by 1 vote so that will be the babies name.**

* * *

><p>"Move him!" Elliot yelled to the officer that was cuffing the perp who was on the ground next to me. I reached up for Elliot trying to find his hand. I felt his strong hands on her shoulders and soon saw him next to me. I was getting terribly dizzy and I felt a strong headache coming on. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, holding onto his hand in fear<strong>. <strong>Nothing was clear to me, the room was spinning and all I heard was noise. Too much to figure out what was going on. **  
><strong>

"We're going to get you to a hospital. What hurts?" I fainlty heard Elliot ask me.

"Headache...i'm dizzy." I said, out of breath. He wrapped arm around me and sat me up into him.

"It's okay, an ambulance is on it's way." He said as I felt myself drifting into darkness.

"Olivia, stay with me. Come on, Olivia, stay awake." I heard, but there was nothing I could do. I could soon hear and see nothing, closing my eyes and letting unconsciousness take over.

* * *

><p>I heard beeping. I saw black. I smelt a familiar aroma that I hated terribly. I slowly opened my eyes and noticed Elliot holding my hand.<p>

"Welcome back." He said, although I couldn't hear it very well. I looked around the room to realize that I was in the hospital with various chords hooked up to me.

"How do you feel?" He asked me, i was still trying to get my head together though. Looking down, I saw that my stomach was much smaller then usual. Then it came to me, my baby was no longer inside of me.

"Wh...what happened? Where's my...where's my baby?" I asked Elliot, trying to remember back to what was going on before this.

"Your high blood pressure caused early labor, along with the dizziness and passing out. They did an emergency c-section about twenty minutes ago, she's beautiful, Liv."

"When can I see her?"

"You won't be able to move around too much for a while but we can wheel you downstairs to see her when you feel up to it."

"How is she?"

"A little trouble breathing because her lungs were not fully developed yet but besides that, she is perfect." He explained, I simply nodded my head and laid back, wincing in pain as I took a deep breath

"You okay?"

"Ya, my stomach hurts a little when I breath, it will be fine, though. My neck is killing me." I said, bringing my hand up and rubbing my neck, but wincing in pain when i tried to move my body a little bit. Elliot reached his hand over to my arm to stop me from moving anymore. I gave up trying to change the way I was lying so I just laid back and sighed. He pulled out his cell phone and pushed a few buttons then gave the phone to me. It was a picture of my daughter right after she was born. She has brown eyes and very thin blonde hair. Elliot took the picture with his hand next to her to see her size, she was so little. 16 inches and 5.9 lbs.

"Here's your little girl." He said, placing his hand on the back of my neck and massaging it. I studied the picture, tears immediately sprang to my eyes. I gasped in amazement.

"I want to see her." I said without a doubt in my mind.

"Liv, you cant even move. How about we wait a-"

"No. I need to see her." The look on his face made it obvious that he knew I had to see her.

"...Let me go talk to a doctor, we will see what we can do."

"Okay." He walked out and I saw him talking to a nurse that looked like he had met before. I zoned out and thought about. I faintly remembered her from before the surgery. I was pretty much out before so I couldn't be sure. Elliot walked back into the room with the nurse at his side.

"How are you feeling?" asked the nurse, her name was Susan.

"I'm OK. My stomach is sore when I breathe and my neck really hurts, but I think that is just from how I was laying." I said.

"The breathing pain is normal and the neck pain should go away soon. About seeing your baby, I really think you should wait awhile before you get up and start moving around. But since I'm a mom I know that not even metal chains would keep you from going to see your baby." Susan said with a chuckle. Elliot looked at me and smiled

"Can I go see her then?" I asked impatiently. Susan nodded and walked out of the room to go grab a wheelchair.

"Amazing. You even get your way when your stuck in a hospital bed." Elliot said. I smiled and Susan came in pushing a wheelchair. She and Elliot helped me out of the bed and into the chair. Elliot offered to push me. It felt like it took forever to make it down to the NICU, but it was really only a couple minutes. When we made it to where my daughter was my eyes filled with tears. Elliot grabbed my hand and looked at my daughter.

"She's so little." I whispered.

"16 inches. She's your little pre-me." Elliot said.

"Shut up El, she's perfect," I replied. "Can I hold her?" I asked Susan.

"Of course." She reached into the crib and pulled out my baby. I reached out my arms and cradled my little girl close to my chest. Tears started trickling down my cheeks. I couldn't help but smile. Her big brown eyes looked up into mine and her beautiful thin blonde hair rested on top of her head perfectly. Her skin was so clear and white and her little fingers stretched out. I couldn't believe it, I had carried this baby inside my for 7 1/2 months and now I can finally hold her in my arms. She really is perfect.

"She's beautiful." I whispered, "I can't believe that she's mine."

"She needs a name." Elliot whispered into my ear. It had been between Madison Lily and Lila Madison for a while, now looking at her for the first time, my choice was obvious.

"Madison, Madison Lily." I said with a smile.

* * *

><p>The nurse wheeled me back to my room after convincing me that both me and my baby needed rest. I couldn't get my mind away from the fact that this little tiny baby was mine and that I could keep her and I would never have to give her up. She's mine. I couldn't help but smile. When we got back to my room, the nurse and Elliot moved me back into my bed. I hadn't even thought about what I was wearing. I looked down and saw the horrible hospital gown, you know the ones with the weird patterns, papery feeling and all open in the back? Ya, those ones. I groaned and looked up at Elliot,<p>

"Do I have to wear this?" I asked, batting my eyelashes and putting on the best puppy dog face I could.

"It's that or nothing," he replied with a smile. I looked at him and told him to shut up before closing my eyes for a minute. The nurse left and Elliot sat down in the chair across the room. I realized how tired I was and leaned back. My mind was too busy to rest, though. I just couldn't get away from the fact that this little baby was my daughter, my Madison Lily.

* * *

><p><em>October 22nd<em>

_I hate hospitals. They stink, they are ugly, and they are depressing. But in this case, I am glad to have them. My daughter, Madison Lily, was born today at 1:08 PM. She is a month and a half premature and is very small compared to most babies. But in my eyes, she's perfect. She has thin, blonde hair and brown eyes. I have to be in this damn hospital for at least four days because of the emergency c-section but it will be easier to see her whenever I want. I will probably be up and walking in two days but until then, Elliot will just have to wheel me around. She will be in the hospital for about a month or two, depending on how she is doing as time goes on. She has some trouble breathing but nothing too major. She is my baby and will be forever. I want to do a paternity test soon but I don't think i'm quite ready yet. I at least want to get back to a 'normal' schedule before going through that. I guess only time will tell how this will play out. _


	18. Chapter 18

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE**

**Shout outs-**

**-edge156784-Glad **

**-Jessica-You'll have to wait and see.**

**-shaishaisvu-Me too, lol**

**-spacekitten2700-Thanks so much for your reviews!**

**-ladybugsmomma-I love how your comments are always so long :) It's nice having a k=comment that doesnt say "good job" haha. And yes, Liv can do whatever she wants.**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-:) Glad you are liking this :)**

**Any and all commenters get a shout out! **

**Photography194 wrote this chapter and its my turn next but I will be gone all this week(i leave tomorrow) and I get back saturday. Then I have an 10 hour long dance camp every day Mon-Fri next week. I will have nights to write but it will take longer :( just thought i'd warn you. Thanks for being so patient :)**

* * *

><p><em>OPOV<em>

"Good morning Olivia, morning Elliot." Dr. Henderson said, walking into my hospital room. It was about 10:30am and I was just lying in my bed with Elliot sitting next next to me watching TV. "I'm just here to check up on you and see how you were feeling. I am going to check your stomach to see how you're healing.

Elliot got up from the bed and took a seat on a near by chair. Dr. Henderson pulled back the sheets and had me lift up my gown. He began to lift the bandages, but stopped as I winced in pain.

"Does it still hurt?" I nodded. "On a scale form 1-10 what would you say your pain level is?"

"6, its more discomfort then pain."

"I can up your dose of pain meds, but I want limit the amount I give you only because you are going to be breastfeeding Madison."

Dr. Henderson checked the wound a little longer and then redressed the C-section incision. "Now, things look good with that, but what I wanted to talk to you about is Madison's paternity test. How are you planning on proceeding with that?"

"We are going to send in a DNA sample to our a Medical Examiner. She is a friend of ours." Elliot said.

"There are a few different ways to get Madison's DNA. We can take a sample from blood or cheek cells. For Madison I was going to do blood, only because we need to draw her blood anyway. I can do cheek cells if you would prefer."

"We might as well kill two birds with one stone. How fast can we get th-" Elliot was interrupted by an alarm going offf. Dr. Henderson checked his beeper, and said "its Madison.!" He said, running out of the room. I looked at Elliot; he instantly knew what I wanted him to do.

"Elliot, GO!" I lay back in bed and felt my eyes watering, Madison had to be okay. I had already lost one daughter; I couldn't possibly lose another.

_EPOV_

I followed Dr. Henderson into the entrance of the NICU. Dr. Henderson ran to Madison in her crib, while the nurses were running around her.

"What's wrong?" I asked a nurse who approached me and led me out into the hallway. "NO, I need to be in there. That's my…she's my best friends daughter."

"I know sir, but I can not have you in there."

I began pacing and soon and looked up at the nurse, "What happened?"

"She stopped breathing. As I am sure you are aware because Madison was born early her lungs were not fully developed." I nodded, "Well, today Madison had trouble breathing. She stopped breathing all together, I was able to get her back to normal but I paged Dr. Henderson to help explain why she stopped breathing in the first place."

"I have to tell her mother."

"I would wait. Wait until Dr. Henderson comes and talks with you." It sounded like a good idea so I sat and waited for Dr. Henderson. However, I couldn't stop thinking about how much pain Olivia had been through in the past year. I knew she wouldn't be able to handle anything more.

"Elliot?" I looked up at Dr. Henderson. "She's okay."

"What's wrong with her? The nurse told me what happened."

"Madison has developed an infection in the lungs. She needs some antibiotics and I am going to put her into a special infant bed. One that purifies the air, it's going to help Madison with the recovery.

"So she's okay?"

"Yes. She's okay. Now go tell Olivia." I thanked the doctor and walked back to Olivia's room. From outside the door I could hear Olivia sobbing. I quickened my pace and walked straight towards her, I leaned over and gave her a hug that she desperately needed "It's okay, Madison's okay, don't worry." She rested her head on my shoulder as I began rubbing her arm.

"What's wrong with her?" She said looking up at me. I wiped the tears away, and kissed her forehead.

"She has an infection in her lungs. The doctor said its easy to cure; she will be on antibiotics and put into some kind of air regulated crib."

" How long will she be in it?"

"I don't know. Dr. Henderson will come and talk to you soon. Just try and relax."

_OPOV_

"I'm sorry I couldn't visit you sooner. There was a major car accident on the freeway. Anyway, lets talk about Madison. I've started her on the antibiotics and put her into the air chamber. She has responded well. As of right now I want her to stay at least a week before we can move her back into the NICU. However, if things have not gotten a lot better by Friday I'll try another treatment."

"What about the paternity test?" I asked, "Can we still do that?"

"Of course. I can do that now if you would like and send the DNA in if you give me the address."

"Perfect. Thank you" Dr. Henderson checked the monitors that I was hooked up to and then left. I looked at Elliot. "Don't you need to go to Lizzie's dance recital?"

"What time is it?" I looked at my phone that was on my bedside table

"2pm."

"I totally forgot, Kathy is going to kill me. I'll back later tonight. I may have to go out to dinner with the kids after. I'll try to be back as soon as possible."

"Of course. Tell Lizzie I wish I was there."

"Will do." He came over and kissed my forehead and headed out.

_[Three hours later]_

I was extremely bored, which was another reason I hated hospitals. I had taken a short nap, and watched TV. I was just about to take another nap when Dr. Henderson came in.

"Hello Olivia. I just got back from seeing Madison and, unfortunately, her condition is not getting any better. I'm not saying it is getting worse, though."

"...Okay, thanks." I said, feeling like my heart was going to break in two.

"Now about the paternity test, I sent that in and DNA samples of all the men that were there when Madison was conceived. It should probably be one to two hours before we have a result." He explained, I simply nodded my head and he got the hint to leave. Elliot called 10 minutes later and I was in tears by then.

"H-hello?"

"Liv, what's wrong?" He asked, worriedly.

"Nothing. It's just that Madison isn't getting any better, yet."

"I'm so sorry, Olivia, i'm on my way to the hospital right now." He said, I didn't feel like talking so I just hung up. He arrived five minutes later and we just hung out for a while, talking about everything. An hour passed and Dr. Henderson walked in the room. I grabbed Elliot's hand and weaved my fingers through his. He placed his other hand around the back of my neck and we both looked up.

"Sean, Mark, or Nathan?" I asked, bracing myself for the answer.

"None of them. But we do have a match."

"Wh-what? Then who was it?"

"Elliiot Stabler."

* * *

><p><strong>Bet ya didn't see that one coming ;) Comment!<strong>


	19. Chapter 19

**DISCLAIMER-NOT MINE :(**

**Shout outs-**

**-ladybugsmomma-Glad you're happy :) haha. **

**-edge15684-You'll have to see who else is happy about it ;)**

**-shaishaisvu-I can't believe you actually guessed that! Lol. We had the planned from the beginning, it's like you read our minds...**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-Glad we could shock you :)**

**Hey there, i'm soooo sorry about never updating this! Like I said in the last chapter, I have been sooooo busy and I have barely had any time to write. I have one of my friends writing the next chapter of Behind the Brown Eyes so at least I don't have to worry about that right now, lol.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>My stomach immediately dropped. I couldn't process what was happening. I looked around the room and I saw nothing. I listened to the sound of silence that was filling the room. My head fell into my hands and I was silent. Elliot took his hand off of me and sat there, also in shock. The doctor decided that then would be the best time to give us some privacy.<p>

"Olivia.." Elliot said, bringing his hand to my shoulder. I abruptly whipped my arm out, despite the pain it brought me. I barely missed him and I went back to my original position with my head still buried in my hands. Elliot stood up paced the room, clear that I wanted my space. He stopped again at my bedside but I wasn't going to let him touch me.

"Don't you dare come near me, Elliot. You raped me and now you expect me to allow your comfort?" I said, trying to keep my voice from breaking. It didn't work. I broke out in sobs,

_How could he do this to me?_

"Do you honestly think I wanted this? Do you believe that I did this to you? No, Olivia, I wouldn't do this and you know that. I have stood by you for almost thirteen years and I have never done anything to hurt you in any way and you know I wouldn't. I don't know what happened but I swear on my life that I didn't know about it." Elliot explained, I know he would never hurt me and I know that he loves me. But there is something inside of me that made me want to walk out of that room and never speak to him again. I had to see her, I had to see my baby.

* * *

><p>The nurse wheeled me down and I told Elliot to go get some fresh air and figure this out. I wanted nothing to do with him right now. The nurse stopped me next to the glass-covered box that enclosed Madison inside of it. I reached my hand through one of the large holes, laying my finger upon her little pink hand and watched as it opened up, grasping my finger and gently squeezing it.<p>

"Can I hold her?" I asked, looking up at the nurse.

"Of course, but only for a little while. We want to be sure that her lungs are getting as much clean air as possible. The NICU has air purifiers but we just need to be cautious." She said to me, I nodded my head and waited patiently for her to open the glass and wrap Madison in a pink blanket. I reached out my arms and she was handed to me. The nurse left me and Madison alone, which I was greatly thankful for. Now that I looked closely, Madison and Elliot have the exact same eyes. I still don't know what to think about all of this. How will I live with myself knowing that my best friend is the father of my daughter and she wasn't conceived out of love...that was the worst part.

* * *

><p>Elliot decided to go back to work and try to get his mind off things. He made it about three steps into the precinct before Cragen called him into his office.<p>

"I don't want you in here right now." He said, plain and simple.

"Wh..why?" Elliot asked.

"I talked to Olivia, Elliot. I don't want you in here."

"Oh my God, I didn't do anything to her!"

"Then how did she give birth to your child yesterday? Explain that."

"I don't know! She means the world to me and I would never purposely do anything to hurt her. I can't believe you would doubt that."

"You think I like this? You think I like knowing that you raped her?" Cragen asked with daggers in his eyes. After thirteen years, Olivia was the closest thing he had to a daughter, and he wasn't going to let Elliot get away with this without a damn good explanation.

Elliot didn't have anything to say back to him. _It's guess true, it has to be. There is no other answer, I raped my best friend._

* * *

><p>I stared at the blank wall, wondering how it got this way. Do I wish I was never raped while undercover? Do I wish I never went at all? I can't answer those. Yes, they are unfortunate events, but without them, I wouldn't have Madison. The one thing I've wanted for at least a decade is a child. Now I have one and I wouldn't trade her for anything.<p>

I opened my phone to see Madison as my wallpaper. Tears fill my eyes as I look into hers. She is a part of me, she is a part of Elliot. Everybody jokes around saying that Elliot and I are each others missing half. Well put those halves together and you get my daughter; My sweet, pure, tiny daughter. The tears begin falling onto my lap, forming a dark circle on the gown that i'm wearing. I couldn't think, I couldn't hear, I couldn't speak, I was drowning; Again. Madison took breaths for me and kept me alive while the realization of everything leaving me sank in. The one leaving me is the person I had hoped to marry someday, my soul mate, my daughters father, my rapist. Do I want to call him my rapist? No. But is there any other explanation?

What is it called when a woman is forced into sex?

_Rape._

What is it called when your child will never have a father in her life?

_Torture._

What is it called when your best friend turns out to be your worst nightmare?

_Hell._

* * *

><p><strong>Not the happiest ending ever :( I know a lot of you were excited about Elliot being the father, haha.<strong>** Please review!**_  
><em>


	20. Chapter 20

**DISCLAIMER-I DONT OWN SVU**

**Shout outs-**

**-Franshes-You're not supposed to get it, lol, it's something that has to be figured out(which is what we did in this chapter) and what would you do if you knew you were raped and the father of your baby is your best friend? Also, Olivia has been going through so much lately she can't help but take all her anger out on Elliot. But I see what you mean.**

**-ladybugsmomma-I would too, haha**

**-Nerd-Herd-27-Glad I could shock you ;)**

**-spacekitten2700-I agree, Wolf did screw that up, lol, oh well. Hopefully we will still get some eo next season**

**-Jessica-100th review! Congradulations :) lol.**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-When you really think about it, it's not that crazy to think that. Like I said to Franshes, Olivia has to take her anger out on somebody, haha.**

**Just warning you, there will only be 2 or 3 chapters left :( Thanks for all the reviews! **

* * *

><p><em>EPOV<em>

I don't know how this could have happened. It has been three days since I found out that I was the father of Olivia's baby. Cragen had given me time off, which I decided to take. I had finally decided to return to work and figure out what happened while with Mark.

"Elliot, what are you going to do? You know I can't have you around here too much until we know what happened." Cragen said to me.

"I know. I wan't to go down to the lab and try and find the drug they used on Liv." I said, not expecting him to allow me to go.

"Fine. But I want Fin to go with you."

"Capt'n why can't I go alone? I'm just going to look through the evidence." I didn't want someone to watch over my shoulder.

"Elliot, I don't trust you right now. You can either let Fin accompany your or not go at all." Cragen explained.

"Fine." I said, not wanting to say anything else.

"Thanks man. I have never felt so wanted." Fin said sarcastically.

"Are you ready to go?"

We walked out of the precinct and climbed into Fin's car. Once we got there, Fin and I took the elevator to the 3rd floor and walked straight up to the counter towards , Chris, who was the evidence storage guy.

"Can we see all of the evidence that was brought in from 145 W. 12th St.?"

"Sure, can you just sign here for me?" Fin signed the forum and gave it back to Richard.

He returned the box and handed it to me.

"Anything else I can do for you?" He asked.

"Is there anyone upstairs in the lab I can talk to about things that were recovered?"

"Clarkson should be there."

"Thanks."

Fin and I walked up the stairs and into the lab, and sure enough there was Clarkson in is lab coat digging through a cabinet.

"Clarkson, Elliot needs your help."

"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while Elliot. It's usually Fin and Munch who come and listen to me talk about lab stuff. What can I help you with today?"

"There are some vials of something here in this evidence box. I need you to interrupt what it contains."

"Of course. Just give me a second. Feel free to dump the box here on this table." Fin did just that; he took the box out of my hands and emptied it on the table. I then handed the cotton swabs to Clarkson and watched him walk away towards a machine. Fin and I sorted through the evidence. We couldn't find anything; I just hoped that whatever the vial was contained something important.

"There are a couple of different substances, but the main one is GHB."

"So, it's a date rape drug?"

"Yes. I hope this helps." Said Clarkson handing me back the piece of paper and the vial. We walked out and headed back to the precinct.

* * *

><p>"What did you find out at the lab?" asked Cragen once we got off the elevator.<p>

"Well the clothes and weapon didn't show anything we didn't already know, but there was a vial that contained GHB." I explained.

"What? Like they use in hospitals?" I nodded, "They use it for sedation in hospitals." I said.

"There was enough GHB for two adults, maybe even more." Fin added.

"I know that, but I don't understand how a major event could be completely erased from my memory."

"Elliot, that's the point of the drug, it is used a lot during date rapes. They are intended to make you have amnesia." Fin said, matter-of-factly

"I get that, but how do we prove it?

_OPOV_

Cragen had called me and informed me that Elliot was on his way over. I argued with him and told him I really did not want to see him, but Cragen insisted that I talk to him.

"Hey, can I come in?"Elliot asked as he knocked on the door.

"I guess." I said, wanting to say the least possible. Elliot walked across the room and sat down on the chair by my bed,

"I need to talk to you."

"I assume that's why you are here." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Olivia, I went to the crime lab with Fin today-"

"Can you please just get to the point?"

"Okay. There was a vial and it contained GHB. Olivia, we were both given a date rape drug."

"Are you sure? I know I was but...you too?" I could feel the tears coming, and I couldn't stop it.

"Apparently. But I don't blame you if you are still made at me." The tears started pouring down my face but Elliot knew not to touch me right then. I let out a sigh of disbelief after calming down.

"I blamed you for raping me...how could I do that? You have been my partner for twelve years and I really thought that you would rape me? I really am pathetic." I said, hating myself.

"Liv, look at me," Elliot said, lifting my chin up so that I was looking at him directly in the eyes, "you can't beat yourself up over this. You were emotionally unstable and..and if I were you, I would have thought that I…you…I would have been mad at you as well." He said, not sure how to word that.

I looked at Elliot and a small grin grew on my face, "You know that didn't really make any sense."

"You're smiling, that's all i've been wanting for a long time now."


	21. Chapter 21

**DISCLAIMER-I DONT OWN SVU**

**Shout outs-**

**-Franshes-You're welcome :) You will have to see how Kathy and the kids react :)**

**-ladybugsmomma-Yep! Do you want them to get together? Key word-together. Add that to EOforever and you get my username. TADA!**

**-spacekitten2700-Glad you are relieved :)**

**-Elliotandoliviababies-Elliot is always understanding with Olivia :)**

**-shaishaisvu-:)**

**-always think outside the box-True, but for all they know he might have had a gun to his head the whole time. Nobody really knows. I see what you're saying, though. Thanks for the comment! We really appreciate them :)**

**Last chapter before the epilogue!**

* * *

><p>After a long month of visiting the hospital every day, mulitiple times a day, it was finally time to take Madison home. Elliot and I finished painting and decorating the nursery a while ago and we baby-proofed the house last week.<p>

We pulled into the hospital just as we had done so many times before. Elliot wasn't with me most of the time but he still knew his way to her crib like the back of his hand. We had her car seat buckled in the backseat and we were ready to bring her home. Elliot is going to get an apartment close to mine so that he can help out with Madi when I need him, me being a single mom to my first child. And he has been looking for one for a while.

We walked up the sidewalk and Elliot opened the door for me. We made our way to the NICU where Madi was bundled up in her crib, ready to go. After a few minutes of talking to the nurses, they said I was okay to leave as long as we had a safe car seat for her. They walked out leaving Elliot and I alone.

"You ready?" He asked me, seeing that I was staring nervously at my daughter.

"What if she isn't ready to go? She's never left the hospital." I whispered, rubbing my ringer against her cheek.

"She hasn't had one problem for three weeks, you will do great with her." He assured me, laying a hand on my shoulder. I nodded my head and placed my hands under her, slowly lifting her from the bed. I held her against my chest and looked up at Elliot, silently telling him I was ready. He led us out to the car and Elliot got Madi buckled. I couldn't do too much due to the surgery. I wasn't allowed to lift over thirty pounds, do practically anything involving my stomach muscles, or move around too much. I really only got out of bed during the day to eat, pee, and visit Madi. Elliot was very protective of me, not surprisingly. Although I hated it at the time, I was glad he paid so much attention.

The drive home was quick and quiet. Once we pulled into the driveway, Elliot got Madi, who was sleeping peacefully in her car seat, out and walked us both inside. He set her car seat down on the carpet in front of the couch, knowing that I wouldn't want to take my eyes off her. Elliot got us both settled in and his phone rang almost immediately;it was Kathy. He told me that it was probably the best time to tell her that he is Madi's father, rather than her finding out from someone else. He answered it and walked outside, leaving me alone with Madi. I did nothing but watch her for at least twenty minutes until I saw her beginning to wake up. I got her out of the car seat and cradled her, walking back to the couch. I sat down and made myself comfortable with my arms supporting her and began quietly talking to her. She immediately calmed down and went back to sleep.

I sat there with little movement for quite a while until Elliot walked back inside.

"What did she say?"

"She wouldn't shut up long enough to hear my side of the story so she has no idea whats going on." He said, walking over and sitting next to me. He took Madi in his arms and looked down at her, smiling.

* * *

><p>A week passed and Elliot was still checking up on me almost daily. I haven't complained much, it's hard when you finally get what you have been wanting for years on end. I had been doing fine but the previous night was the worst yet. I got less that three hours of sleep and had been running off an average of five hours of sleep per day. Elliot came by around 7AM today and saw that I was a mess. I went to ask him if he could stay for a while but he cut me off before I could start talking.<p>

"I'm off today and have nothing to do. I'll watch Madison while you go sleep." He suggested.

"I'm f-" I was about to speak but a yawn interrupted me. I rubbed my eyes and closed them for a second, feeling more peace than I had in a week. Elliot put his hands on my shoulders and steered me back into my room before lifting up my blankets as I climbed under them. I was half asleep by the time my head hit the pillow.

"You sleep as long as you can, kay?" You will need it for the next few days." He said, pulling the blankets over me. I nodded my head and drifted off.

Four hours later, I woke up feeling like I was in Heaven. I took a long shower then got ready for the day before walking out into the living room to see Elliot cradling her while watching a movie. He saw me and smiled, obviously happy that I had gotten the rest I needed.

"I fed her once and she has been asleep the rest of the time so she will probably wake up pretty soon." He said. As if on cue, Madison began waking up right then, making Elliot and I laugh.

"You okay if I leave for a little while?" He asked, standing up and getting his jacket.

"Ya, i'm good. Thanks." I said as I watched the man I possibly love walked away, closing the door behind him.

* * *

><p>EPOV<p>

I was making my way outside and glanced in the window for a second, seeing Olivia holding her little girl was enough to make me not want to look away. I watched as she wrapped Madison in a small yellow blanket and cradled her in her arms. Olivia has been waiting for a moment like this her whole life. She stood up and gather some things before walked down the hall into her bedroom.

Over the next two weeks, Olivia called me constantly, sounding worried and panicked. Whenever I would ask what was wrong she would ramble on about the littlest things, as if it was a life or death situation. She still doesn't understand why I laugh when she gets like this. She thinks she is the worst mother because she doesn't have a ton of experience. All I could tell her was that if she was this concerned about every detail of Madison, she was an incredible mother already. She didn't believe me though.

* * *

><p>OPOV<p>

Madison was spending a few hours with Maureen and Kathleen so that I would be able to leave my house without a car seat in my arms for the first time in weeks. Elliot picked me up at five and told me that we were going out for the evening, wherever I wanted. I told him that I didn't care what we did as long as we ended the day in central park. The last time that I truly felt like I was going to make it, I was there. With Elliot. He took me out to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant and then to Rockefeller Center to watch the Christmas tree light up. In all of my years living in the city, I have never seen it being lit.

The countdown began at 7:30 and I felt a cool breeze circulating through the air, causing me to wrap my jacket tighter around myself. Elliot saw this and put his arm around me. I stood as close to him as possible to try and keep warm. We looked up simoltaniously and saw the thousands of light bulbs fill with color. My eyes were tearing up at the sight of it. I didn't really know why. Tears slowly started falling and I looked up at Elliot, smiling.

"This is my first Christmas with a family." I whispered, reaching up and wiping my eyes. Elliot grabbed my wrists and lowered them, pulling me into him. Our lips met and neither of us wanted them to part. After what felt like an eternity, we broke the kiss. Looking into eachother's eyes, we both knew that this is how it was supposed to be. Elliot looked into my eyes and pulled me into a hug, shielding me from the world.

"I love you." He whispered into my neck, sending shivers down my spine, making me feel important for the first time in my life.


End file.
